Unka Glen

Source: godsradicaldaughter

kelseyisms:

Dear Beloved,

My joy can never be taken from you. You can only lose it if you give it away.

Don’t give it away.

You have the hope of the world. Never let a circumstance change that. With my life and with my death, I have defeated all of the sin and circumstances that could imprison you. That should give you more freedom and more joy than you could ever imagine. Remember that, and cling to my joy.

I love you. Hang in there.

Yours Eternally,

God

Anonymous asked: How do I learn to love myself?

Unka Glen answered: You will love yourself when you see yourself the way God sees you. 

This isn’t something you learn, this is something you accept. In order to accept the truth you have to reject the lies that you’ve bought into. Here are a few you may be familiar with.

— You aren’t good enough. One of the ways that the enemy gets you to swallow a lie, is to  arrange a series of truths in such a way that they lead you to make a false conclusion. Yes, you are not good enough for God to love you because of your goodness. Yes, you have done bad stuff. And all that might drive you to think: therefore God doesn’t think much of me.

Whereas the truth is, because I have done bad things, Christ died for me, taking my punishment, so there is now nothing between me and God. The blood of Christ is an exact measurement of how important I am to God. And it’s His goodness I’m going on, not my own.

— You don’t measure up, like these other people. We all can look around and find someone who’s living a straighter lifestyle than we are. We can all look around and say that someone else knows more Bible than we do. You know what I say? So what. Satan knows every page of that Bible, and even quotes it to suit his own purposes. (Matthew 4:5-7)

But I’ve taken ahold of the hem of my Master’s cloak, and I’ve been hanging on for dear life. Now, it hasn’t always been pretty, but I’m changing, little by little. I’m leaving behind some of my favorite sins and hangups, because I can’t always hold on to them and my Master’s cloak at the same time. And you know what else? I’ve watched a LOT of those straight dudes backslide while my messy little walk is still limping along.

— Just look at all the sin in your life. You know what, how ‘bout you don’t? Hebrews 12:1-2a says “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” You throw off the sin, and you keep your eyes on Jesus, not the other way around.

…All these lies will keep you spinning in circles, and they’re a constant part of your life for a reason. Nothing scares the enemy more than you finding out who you are to God. Once you see yourself the way God sees you, these lies won’t ever really stick. Once you see yourself as He sees you, then you won’t be tempted by cheap counterfeit pleasures. 

Ephesians 3:17b-19a ”I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge…”

mindoncoffee asked: Hi Unka Glen. Help me to understand what true forgiveness is. Is it when you can manage to not be angry at someone anymore? I know that being a Christian is living life with a forgiving heart but executing that plan ain’t easy. What I do know so far is that true forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened or pretending that nothing happened. But what exactly is true forgiveness and how do you know when you’re there? What steps can someone take to be able to forgive? Thanks!

Unka Glen answered: Forgiveness is when you deny your right to justice. And it’s true that forgiveness is central to the life we live as Christians. Here’s why: Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” For me, this is a simple equation: no matter how much justice I want over those who have wronged me, it’s nothing compared to the forgiveness that I want from my God.

I want you to think of forgiveness like peeling away the layers of an onion. It takes time, it often involves tears, and it can’t really be done all at once. The anger we often feel as a result of being mistreated, is likewise something we give up a layer at a time. Often I hear people say “I thought I forgave him, but I’m still mad”. In truth, they did forgive that outer layer of stuff, but that just brings up a deeper layer.

New or immature Christians often see things in black or white, all or nothing. But the truth is, life is complicated, and the human heart is more complicated still. Forgiveness is a process, not a switch that we flip. Moreover, you’re right that trust is an entirely different issue. 

We are meant to forgive the way we have been forgiven (which is totally, just in case you were wondering), but we are meant to be mindful of the weaknesses of the people around us. We are meant to be discerning in how we develop relationships. Trust is meant to be earned. Our forgiving nature is not meant to be a loophole that others can use to exploit us.

Anonymous asked: What’s your take on premarital sex?

Unka Glen answered: It’s not as good as post-marital sex.

The truth is, I had a number of “wild years” in my life, and had more backslides than I care to count. And I lost my virginity in high school, long before I got married. Did it feel good? Yes, like they say about pizza— good pizza is amazing, bad pizza is still pretty good. Did it ruin the relationship I had with my wife when we met and decided to get married? No.

But I said what every premarital person says on losing their virginity… it’s a subtle combination of “that was something”, and “is that it?”. I thought it would be amazing, and spectacular, and earth shattering, but it was kind of a fumbling and clueless moment that we hadn’t talked through, and that we weren’t really ready for. It wasn’t magical or amazing.

It felt a lot like we had dessert before dinner.

Soon after, the relationship ended, and I sought the forgiveness I knew I needed, and got things back in track. In truth, it was a LONG journey from that moment to figuring out how to be a Godly man in a relationship, and I spent some years living entirely on my own working that out.

But in the end, once I got myself on track, and met my wife, the experience on my wedding day was TOTALLY different. We had spent much of our engagement talking about our likes and dislikes, stuff we wanted to try, all our wild fantasies. And that wedding night was something.

But that was only the tip of the iceberg. You see, everyone has their own ideas about sex, and what it’s for, but for the two of us, looking at it as believers, we discovered that sex could be a way for us to find a deeper intimacy. It became a beautiful way for the two of us to literally become one flesh. It became a way to bring excitement, and thrill, and sweet pleasure into our lives. It was a way of taking things from good to great. But if you don’t have the good marriage to start with, well, then it’s all icing and no cupcake.

Married sex, at least within the context of Christian marriage, should be a celebration of the chance to give another person a deep and abiding pleasure, a way of celebrating the body of your partner, and a celebration of giving a deep, beautiful emotional release. It’s about loving another enough to map out their every secret pleasure spot, learning their every turn-on, and spoiling them rotten with pleasure.

Sex, in the context of Christian marriage, becomes another way to serve one another. And trust me, if you do it right, it’s truly worth the wait.

Anonymous asked: Right now, I really feel down in the dumps. Recently, I’ve been watching porn. I always stop for a while, then head back to the habit of doing it again. It really sucks after every time where I say I want to stop, and yet I’m continuing in this vicious cycle. 

Could you help me out here, uncle? You’re freaking awesome, for all the replies you’ve given to all the people out there. This has really crippled my spiritual self, and almost always, my dreams of becoming a worker for God full-time feels like it’s teetering on a crevice. Please help me out here! 

Unka Glen answered: I got ‘cha on this. You feel bad about this situation, but let ask you a question, are you SURE you know what to feel bad about? I’ll bet you don’t. When it comes to sinnin’ you’re still an amateur, listen to the professional, I’ll tell you what to feel bad about.

— It’s not the sex part. God made you with a built-in desire to look at naked people. God make sex to feel good, He wants you to enjoy it feeling good, and when He puts limits on you, that’s so you can enjoy it more, because the time is right.

Yes, you aren’t following God’s instructions on this, but I’ll bet that you don’t really know exactly what God’s instructions are. And I’ll bet that you have no earthly idea how important mistakes in your sex life are to God, as opposed to all the other mistakes you make in your life.

I’ll bet that when you mess this up, it feels like the most wrong thing you can do. It’s not. The sex part isn’t even the most wrong part of this situation, let alone your whole life. 

— It’s not the porn part. Yes porn can be exploitive and demeaning to women, but even when it isn’t doing all that, it’s doing something worse: it’s making sex boring. It’s making it just another image on a screen. Two-dimensional. Unfeeling, uncaring, cold. 

Taking something sacred, beautiful, and super-hot, and turning it into something boring and cheap is wrong, but it’s not the main thing that’s wrong here.

— It’s not the masturbation part. Ask God if it’s okay for you to be masturbating or not (that’s what you do when there isn’t a really clear Bible verse on the subject). Whatever He says should be the last word on the subject. But again, I’ll bet that you took your cues from the society around you, and decided that if that many people are ashamed of it, then God must be against it. 

Let God speak for Himself, and make no mistake, the last thing you should be doing is looking at the culture around you for indications of what God thinks. This is a mistake to be sure, and as common as the others, but still, not really the main point here.

— It’s not the the cycle itself. You could look at this situation and be glad that you have the strength and character to at least occasionally stop this behavior, and you could have looked at this situation and see that all the guilt and shame never stopped you from falling off again.

Seeing that shame and guilt weren’t working, you turned them up, and they still didn’t work. This means one of two different things: A) you are a sociopath with no conscience, or B) guilt and shame have no power to help this situation, they just make you feel bad in a way that makes you feel like you can’t turn to God. But you know what you can turn to? Porn.

There’s your cycle, and you should have seen that developing, and why it’s wrong to wallow in the guilt that is already weakening your resolve to stay on the path . This is wrong too, but not the most wrong thing here. 

— It isn’t the hidden sin part. Sins we do in secret seem darker and more evil, but the truth is, if you had never looked at porn and masturbated, then YOU would be the odd one out. This, of course, doesn’t make it okay behavior, but it should put things in perspective. Lacking this perspective has been hurtful to you, and damaging to your walk, but that still isn’t the main thing here.

HERE IS THE MAIN THING: you didn’t turn to God. I’m guessing that most of the times you fell off of your own self-imposed commitment to stop, it was because you were lonely, sad, depressed, tired, or overwhelmed. 

You may be looking at this behavior outside of the thing that’s driving it, and that’s a mistake. Porn is a response to something painful going on in your life. And like most of us, you turned to the things of this world for comfort. And if you can dig it, you took a much better option that many of those around you. But it’s a wrong option. 

God is there at the bottom of life. God is there when you just feel like you can’t take it any more. God is there when everyone else has left you behind. God is there, and He isn’t judging you, or scolding you, or giving you hoops to jump through. He’s there to give you comfort, and love, and peace, and hope.

Turning away from those things He offers is the sin. Anything else you do, any other direction you take, is a sin. The right direction to take is into His arms. Dwell there awhile, and for that moment, I’ll bet you don’t have a craving for anything else in the world.

Anonymous asked: I work at my mom’s job, and there are these older men who often look at me in the wrong way, and discuss things between each other. I ignore them, but it makes me mad because my mom is there, and they know I’m her daughter. I have nothing against physical attraction, but what angers me is the lack of respect. Is it ok to feel angry? How should a woman react in such situations? I think “silence is the best answer to a fool”, but I wanna know what Unka Glen thinks, because you give awesome answers!!

Unka Glen answered: Well, it sounds like you’ve already got some awesome advice from a very wise woman (and talented writer), and, well, I’m from Texas, and had this happened to my daughter, I’d be looking to kick someone’s butt up between their shoulder blades for them. But let me give you some wise options, and the Lord can help you sense which of these options is right for you in any given situation.

Option 1: Let it go. Just because you know you’re right and they’re wrong, that doesn’t mean that you should always press the issue. Proverbs 26:4 says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him”. We want to avoid others bringing us down to their level. 

When I got engaged to be married, my father gave me a great piece of advice, “Son, every time a fight kicks up, ask yourself: is this the hill I wanna die on?” In other words, it’s not about how right you are, it’s about how important the issue is. Respect is important, but after praying it through, you may decide that you don’t want to be swayed by a bunch of silly talk.

Option 2: Turn it around. Most arguments start with two prideful people, boasting away. Show humility, and they may not have a comback for that. Imagine saying, calm and cool: “Please tell me what I’ve done to offend you that would cause you to disrespect me this way. I’d like to apologize for whatever I’ve done that has allowed you to treat me in a way you wouldn’t let any man treat your own daughter.”

Appealing to people’s better nature, and to a conscience they may not be paying much attention to, may be a lower-percentage option, but when it works, it’s a beautiful thing.

Option 3: Nip it in the bud. If you really want to confront this thing head on, then learn the most important lesson of confrontation: the cheapest price to pay is at the beginning. After that, it just keeps getting more and more expensive (and messy, and painful). A quick, sharp word at the beginning has more power than a thousand shouted words coming from a false sense of courage built in anger.

Drop your voice a half-octave and give them an “Okay then” or a “slow your roll”, or “pump your brakes”. This can send a clear message. This behavior is okay to a point, and we’re at that point. That can help stop things before they get out of hand, or it may just escalate things, and the next thing you know, you’re stuck in some pointless drama that ‘s just not worth it. 

Again, prayer is key in choosing the right response, sometimes we just can’t predict the outcome. But whatever way you choose, I’ve got your back. In fact, me and a van load of ex-cons who love Jesus have your back.