Unka Glen

Anonymous asked: What about females that struggle with lust, pornography, and masturbation? I feel like it’s such a downplayed problem in our society and in our churches, but I know it’s a very real problem for me, and as a woman, I feel like there are limited resources out there. What would you say to a woman who struggles with this temptation/issue?

Unka Glen answered: I’d say that you’re not alone. I get just as many messages and prayer requests from women struggling with pornography as I do from men. CNN reports: “In the first three months of 2007, according to Nielsen/NetRatings, approximately one in three visitors to adult entertainment websites was female; during the same period, nearly 13 million American women were checking out porn online at least once each month.”

It bears mentioning that this is a relatively new trend, and the internet has a lot to do with that. If it means anything, I’ve mentioned this issue with every pastor I’ve talked with in the past six months. So hopefully the awareness is increasing. 

But let’s make a few things clear, the theology and spirituality of all this works the same with women, as with men. God gives us a sex drive, and He gives us wise instructions on how to operate it. We tend to ignore that, screw it up (no pun intended… well maybe a little), and then we end up turning back to God and trying it His way. And speaking for myself, wow, yeah, do it His way. Like everything else in the Kingdom, it’s really tough at first, but then things get really awesome. 

Sex, and the desire for it, isn’t dirty— it’s beautiful, natural, and God given. There is nothing weird or abnormal about you having a curiosity about sex, to have a sexual imagination/fantasy life, and to take matters into your own hands (okay, that was intended). Things may take a wrong turn, but this is a very common occurrence, I assure you.

I’m not sure most Christians know where to rank their sexual imperfections and struggles, because they tend to really fixate on them in a way that often eclipses all other considerations in their walk. So let’s make sure we aren’t wallowing in guilt and shame on this thing, and we FOR SURE need to stop portraying masturbation as some kind of all-consuming evil. Because dang.

Having said all that, I think every church should have a women’s group that meets to talk about sexual struggles, including rape/molestation issues, and sexual appetite/changing sexual lifestyle issues. I think women need to be empowered to heal each other on this stuff, and I spend many hours training the ladies in my own inner-city ministry to do just that for each other. 

Final note: ask yourself, am I using porn as a sort of “boost” when I’m feeling bad towards myself? Am I using porn when I feel lonely and unloved? Am I using porn to change my mood off of something negative? If so, then I think, rather than getting all negative and upset about the porn, why not ask yourself a simple question: am I using the best tool for the job? (See, now you think I’m intending puns all over the place).

There is a better cure for low-self esteem and loneliness, and plenty of better ways to change your mood and outlook. Porn is just the easiest way, the most readily available way. But it isn’t the most effective way. That means you’re cheating yourself out of a better life, all for want of going to God and telling Him, “I want what’s real, and lasting, I want what’s pure and true, I need pleasures beyond the physical, I need pure uncut 100% angelic joy filling me up to overflowing until it’s pouring out of my life and into everyone else’s around me! And I need it right now!”

God wants you to have the real stuff. If you’re running short, that’s on you, buttercup.