Unka Glen

Anonymous asked: Much is said about guys and girls saving their virginity for marriage, but what about all other kinds of things that are given up before then? Kissing, saying “I love you”, etc… How much should we save for the one we know is to be our spouse? Is it just as bad to give away your heart countless times, as it is to give away sex while unmarried? Any guidance would be appreciated.

Unka Glen answered: Ya know, I really don’t like this “giving away” phrase, and I think it’s the key to understanding your question. In Greek, the language of the New Testament, “eros” is used to describe romantic love, and “agape” is love that comes from God to us. So now, read this verse: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

You would assume that verse about husbands LOVE your wives would use the word eros, but it’s not. It’s agape. What that means is that romantic relationships between Christians are rooted and established in a love that God gives the man for the woman, and in a love God gives the woman for the man. Which is a pretty flippin’ cool thing, if you ask me.

But it doesn’t fit with this idea that Christian romantic relationships are about giving something away that is then lost forever. When it comes to agape love, I have as much love as I receive. Agape love comes from God, and He never runs out. As long as I’m willing to receive love from God, I have love to give.

Showing affection and expressing love, agape or eros, is beautiful, and exciting, and part of being young, and having hormones, and everything. I remember my first kiss when I was in junior high. It was sloppy and awkward and sweet and a thrill of galactic proportions. And I remember my first kiss with my wife. Did the fact that I had kissed other women before I kissed my wife, make that first kiss with my wife less meaningful? C’mon, be serious.

Maybe thinking of “saving” this or that for “the one”, leads to some wrong ideas about relationships, instead let’s think of it as allowing God to call the shots. If He puts love in your heart for someone, so be it. If He gives you the thumbs up to date someone, so be it. He will give you boundaries, and you should know those boundaries, and you should NEVER violate those boundaries. But, having worked all that out, you’re meant to savor and enjoy everything within those boundaries. 

Repressing love and affection does not lead to healthy dating or healthy marriages.