Unka Glen

I’ve received a number of messages lately from people who say they like the idea of already being in a relationship, and having someone they can be close with, and kissing and snuggling, and all that, BUT they don’t like the idea of the dating and relationship building it takes to get there.

And to this I say: oh, poo. 

Here are some some essential truths about dating:

— Half the time you realize pretty much right away this person just isn’t a good fit for you, the other half of the time you’re sitting there wondering if they’re realizing that you’re the wrong fit for them.

—  One hundred percent of the time you feel like a big ol’ nerd. You spend all night sitting there wondering if something is hanging out of your nose, and you can’t just go get it, which makes you nervous, which makes you sweat, and now you’re sitting there sweating and trying to casually check your nostrils like a weirdo. Reeeal sexy.

— Dating is scary. Or rather, plenty of people have made you feel scared of it. What if you hold hands? Will that lead to kissing? And if we kiss, will that lead to ripping each other’s clothes off, and having full-on naked animal sex? And if so, will that lead to smoking? (They always smoke after sex in the movies!)

— Your heart might get broken. There’s a decent chance that you could fall for this person and they would not quite feel the same way, and you’ll be crushed. Then you’ll end up eating too much ice cream, and listening to Adele, and adopting too many cats, and living alone forever and ever. (Or you may meet someone even better who likes you even more, who can say?)   

So all that makes a person think, well, if I could just avoid these dating dilemmas, then everything would be great. And when you go to your Christian bookstore and read titles like “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, you figure this must be some divine wisdom. Maybe God is telling me that hiding away from the anxieties of dating is the best way to develop a quality Christian relationship.

But here’s what I’m telling you, all these crazy, scary, sweaty elements of dating are what make it great. The fact that it could all go horribly wrong is what makes it great. It’s like riding a roller coaster, they don’t give you a break pedal on that thing for a reason, because you’d use it and ruin the whole ride.

Christian relationships aren’t just a warm comfy place that you suddenly discover one day. They’re an all out battle to deny the ugly stuff inside you that you didn’t even know that you had, and to fight to build something great with this other person who is currently driving you nuts. Christian dating is an act of faith, that all these sacrifices will be worth it. But if you both take hold of this life, and drive it closer to the Lord, the rewards are beyond mere comfort.

Only the brokenhearted can truly appreciate how rare and beautiful and delicate love is. Only those courageous enough to do whatever it takes to make love work, discover all that love has to offer. Only the humble put their ego and pride to the side long enough to dare to fully commit. Only the bold go to God and say, “make me extraordinary, and lead me into an extraordinary marriage, to do extraordinary things for you.”