Anonymous asked: Unka Glen! First off, you’re awesome-sauce. Second, I’ve noticed in your past blogs that when discussing dating life amongst young people, you often talk a lot about what is expected of dudes in a Godly relationship, and the list is wonderfully long :) This is great to know, but as a young woman, I would like your take on what is expected of a gal in a relationship. I’ve heard that the guy should be a “spiritual leader” and set the pace, so what should I be focusing on?
Unka Glen answered: First off, no you’re awesome sauce. Second, yes, before you get into a relationship you need to be working on all those things that would prevent or disable you from being a good marital team member: insecurity, poor body image, jealousy, and so on. But once you’re in a relationship, as you point out, it seems like there isn’t much to do but be a good follower.
However, it turns out that being a good follower can be very important. A big part of being a good follower is seeing what the leader can’t or doesn’t see, and being able to report that information in an effective way. Leaders can’t be good leaders without good information.
For example, let’s say I’m doing a speaking engagement in a certain place, and my wife says sweetly and quietly, “Do you think it’s too cold in here?”. This is her way of saying, you’re praying about all the big details, but I’m praying over all the little things that go unnoticed, but can really ruin things. She asks me what I think, because she respects my leadership (and in our case, I’m technically her boss).
Now think of how wrong I would be to reject her wisdom, or better yet, how lost I would be without someone to see the rocks just below the surface that I’m about to run aground on? If I listen to her, and get the room the right temperature, and things will go well, then much of the credit goes to her. If people are distracted by the cold, it doesn’t matter how good the sermon is.
Now if my wife was telling me something to try and manipulate me, I would discover that, and I would never listen to these little insights again. If my wife makes suggestions so that she can get what she wants out of the situation, then she’d lose my trust. In the end, it always comes back to the team, she’s looking to see what I don’t, and I need to act on that wisdom as I lead.
All true women of God are the power behind the power. We jokingly refer to this shadow Christian organization of pastor’s wives and church secretaries as the LCM, the Ladies Christian Mafia. The LCM knows how to get it done, and it pays to be on their good side. If you like reading this blog, recognize it happened because my wife said, “Don’t you think you should consider writing a blog?”
Thus, being a good follower empowers and equips a good leader to be be a great leader. A good follower holds leaders accountable, and inspires them to take things to another level. A good follower challenges a leader to push themselves to be their best for those they love.
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