Unka Glen

Anonymous asked: I was in a sexually/ physically abusive relationship when I was 15, before I was a Christian. My first Christian relationship was with a really amazing guy, but I ran from it. I really started to like him and it freaked me out because of the pain I had experienced from feeling like that about someone before. The truth is, I could see a real future with him and It scared the hell out of me. So I left him. And now, after two years, I still miss him. Would it be foolish of me to try and reach out to him? Should I just let go of it and move on?

Unka Glen answered: Foolish? Maybe. but then again, love never was all that sensible was it? There’s no agony quite like a love that was the right thing, at the wrong time. One thing is for sure, if you aren’t absolutely sure that you’re ready for the whole falling in love, and getting married, and happily ever after type of stuff, then you’re just inviting this guy to roll the dice on more suffering.

In truth, we have a way of remembering the good stuff about old relationships and forgetting some of the bad stuff, and that can be good for having pleasant memories to look back on, but if you’re going to restart this relationship, you’ll want to have your eyes wide open.

Also, it must be said that re-starting this relationship means starting off with two strikes against you. There’s bound to be some pain that needs healing, and trust that needs rebuilding. When you think about it that way, starting over fresh with someone new starts to sound a little better. Dating relationships are tough enough without all that baggage. 

I can say however, that I’ve rolled the dice on trying to restore old relationships like this, and the truth is, even though it didn’t work out, I was glad for the closure. Sometimes it’s hard to live with the “what if”s. 

This is where prayer comes in. First, I think it’s about asking God to give you a very realistic view of how ready you are to be loved and to give yourself, body, mind, and soul to another. If you’re not ready, that’s fine, you’ve got all the time in the world for healing. This kind of abuse can take time and lots of attention to get to a place of healing.

If the Lord gives you a green light to start dating, and you feel strong and squared away, then ask the Lord to give you a peace about dating this specific guy. Really be honest with yourself and the Lord about your motivations and desires. He’ll help you see what’s best for you.

Because God wants the best for you, that I know for sure. We’ve all made is takes in dating and pushed people away, you’re not alone in that. God has a future full of all kinds of new experiences and twists and turns. The best way to set out on that adventure is to learn to see yourself in His eyes.