Unka Glen

beautyinsimple asked: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while. I’m a senior in high school and he is going to be a freshman in college. First off, the college he is attending is in town. Lately, he has been very… distant. Last night I asked what the heck was going on, and he told me he was over-whelmed with school and stuff and he just “doesn’t know”. Ultimately, he is scared that we won’t work out when he is in college because he is going to be so busy and stuff. But the thing is, he hasn’t made any effort to fix anything or attempt this relationship. We want to make it work, I just know he isn’t 100% committed to making me a priority even though he said he is. What do I do? End it before things get worse? Give him a chance? I’m lost. [edited for length]

Unka Glen answered: Starting college can be an overwhelming time, but when I started college (in the late Jurassic era) I seem to recall that most of us shifted pretty quick into: partying, loafing, and clowning about. Managing good grades and a decent dating relationship can be a challenge, but it’s a long, long way from impossible.

But here’s what I think should be the bottom line: you deserve to be with someone who is absolutely certain that they want to be with you. I know that the plot of nearly every romantic movie you’ve ever seen is: “Who will she end up with?!? She’s just so uncertain! Feelings can be so confusing!” All that uncertainty is fine for building romantic tension, but in real life, if you’re not sure you want to be with me, I’m sure I don’t want to be with you.

This sense of certainty is not just for the sake of mutual desire, but for the practical purpose of having the drive and desire to work things out when things start to get tough. If this guy was saying, “I want to be together no matter what, and I’m not sure how that would even work, but let’s sit down and pray and figure it out”, then you’d be in a very different position. 

One could make the case for waiting until he starts school and discovers that his studies won’t take up his entire free time, and then set the priorities from there, but it’s hard to make such grand considerations for someone who isn’t giving us much assurances at this point. A true man of God looks at a big, scary, unknown and says, “here’s what I DO know— God is with me, so I can handle it, I may not know how, but I can handle it, and when it comes to this relationship, we’re gonna make a way out of no way.”

You’re not wrong to expect a lot more confidence and a whole lot more commitment.