Anonymous asked: Heya Glen! What do I do? A guy other than my crush asked me out for coffee, and I would like to get to know this other guy as a friend. But I don’t want my crush thinking that I like the other guy if he heard about it. (They are both from the same church & youth group). I have never been on a date before, and I feel this coffee thing would be good for me, but is that being selfish? I don’t know if this guy was asking me as a friend or something more, and I wouldn’t want to lead him on.
Unka Glen answered: Well that is quite a pickle. And before we can solve this mystery, we need to consider another wrinkle on this thing, and that involves… the Bro Code. Is the Bro Code real? You betcha. And thank God for it, in the final analysis it may be the only thing that holds our society together as we know it.
One of the primary tenants of the Bro Code, is that one bro does not pursue the same lady that his other bro is pursuing. So how do they decide which guy goes after which gal? I cannot divulge any details of this super-secret and time honored ceremony that remains shrouded in mystery, known only to the outside world as “calling dibs”.
I know. I’m against it too. Is the “dibs” system wrong? Yeah. Does it beat the alternative (which, for the record, would probably involve hitting each other over the head with wooden clubs)? Again, yeah. Should women have more of a say-so in all this? You bet, and that’s where you come in.
First, it’s really nice to be asked to a nice evening of coffee and conversation, and for sure, it doesn’t imply much (and no, it isn’t selfish for you to want to go out and enjoy yourself either). But if you aren’t open to dating this guy who asked you out to coffee at some point in the future, then I think he deserves to know that from the outset.
If you do go out to coffee with this guy, your crush will very likely honor the bro code and back off, so that won’t get you any closer to what you want. So as I see it, here are your options:
1) Screw the bro code and go out with whoever has the courage to ask you out (assuming you like them in some way).
2) Tell the guy who asked you out that you have a crush on another guy, and that it wouldn’t be fair to him, and that you’re super-flattered and pleased that he asked you out anyway. Then you go to your crush and ask him to coffee (if you want more say-so, you gotta say something darlin’).
3) Sit at home and eat Nutella.
It’s all a bit complicated and full of potential heartbreak, but that, my dear, is what dating and romance are all about. The key is to narrow down the possibilities. This makes it easier to go to God and ask for direction. Look at it this way, if you’re in synch with God even before things get going, then whatever relationships blossom from all this, you’re gonna be in great shape.
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- papermachecreation said: option #3 sounds good, haha
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