Anonymous asked: If my boyfriend and I have had sex, does this mean that we are irreparable since we had sex before marriage? Multiple Christians have told me that a couple should break up because they had premarital sex, and that is not of God. How do I know that a relationship is/isn’t of God? Some even told me that we should not front hug each other because unless we are married because he is my brother in Christ. I saw something else that couples shouldn’t pray together because it’s like soul sex. Is this true?
Unka Glen answered: Let’s take these one at a time, shall we?
Can God repair a relationship even after a mistake this big? I can only answer that by quoting Jeremiah 32:27, “I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?
How do I know if this relationship is of God? Well, of course the right time to ask that question is at the beginning, but having a Godly relationship is simply about asking if the relationship is God’s will (something that people rarely do, by the way), and then asking God what that relationship should look like moving forward. That would obviously include physical boundaries. I don’t see any reason why you can’t go back to the beginning and start over with all that. We believe in a God of second chances.
Should I stop front hugging and see my boyfriend as a sibling? Okay, now we’re just getting creepy. You can’t just exclude all physical contact and declare that you’ve got a really well lined out relationship. Physical intimacy is a normal, healthy, and awesome part of dating relationships. I’m talking about cuddling, snuggling, nuzzling, holding hands, playing “two spoons in a drawer”, and laying your head on his shoulder in the movies.
Sure all that can lead to lead to something more, but the way you learn to keep boundaries is to set them, and then get used to stopping yourselves before getting there. If you pretend that this is your brother instead of your boyfriend, and then try and throw that switch on your wedding day, well, get used to spending time with a marriage counselor, because you’ll be starting on a seriously dysfunctional footing.
Is praying together like having “soul sex”. What the…? I thought the last question was creepy, but this takes the cake. Okay, if you really think any of this could be good advice we need to talk about discernment, not sexual activity in relationships.
Sex, beloved, is a physical act. Your soul is part of the spiritual realm. You have sex with a body, you can’t have sex with your soul. You can’t have something like sex with your soul. Whoever is talking to you about all this has a very unhealthy fixation on sex, and is giving you some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard.
Praying together is the best way of keeping people from going as far sexually as you did! You should have been praying together nonstop from the start! This is a sweet, tender, and loving way of serving one another, by lifting the other person up in prayer, and indeed this should be the foundation of your relationship.
Go back to the Lord, start over, do it His way this time, and please promise me you’ll find someone with a healthy marriage, and a walk with God you respect, and get your advice there, okay?
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- pressontoglory said: Yes, yes, so many times, YES. Goodness.
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- benshim said: good grief, “soul sex”?! really?!
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