Unka Glen

followandreblog asked: What’s your stand on ‘non-negotiable’ characteristics regarding future spouses? How intentional / specific should we be when praying for our future spouse? Sometimes I’m convinced that ”Hey, as long as he is a man with audacious faith and love for God, how else can it go wrong?’ But I was wondering if it really makes sense praying for my future spouse to have the ‘non-negotiables’ - both serious (reliable, good, firm, etc.) and shallow ones (tall, kinda geeky, dislikes partying, etc)..

Unka Glen answered: Ask for it all. Be specific. Be greedy. If you want him to love Jesus AND look like Ryan Gosling, then say so. Now, you do want to be clear that the Jesus-loving request is the serious part, and that the Ryan Gosling request is the shallow part. But ask for it all. 

The trick is to recognize that a lot of things you have your heart set on, might not be all that great if you actually had them. Ryan Gosling, twenty years from now, (brace yourself for a hard truth) will likely be bald and vaguely potato-shaped…just like Yours Truly. (Yes this means I used to be pretty in the face, and I actually had hair past my shoulders in another era of my life, and oh how the ladies loved them some Unka Glen!)

Having roommates in college taught me a whole lot about what kinds of people I can, and can’t, live with. While marriage is about all kinds of things, it’s still a lifetime roommate arrangement. And yes you can both have love for God, and have the perfect dating life, and there is still PLENTY that can go wrong. Trust me, my wife felt her sanctification wearing pretty thin when I recently introduced a pastor at one of our Bridge worship services as having “a nice high butt”. 

(In my defense, his butt is exceptionally high, in a way that mine, sadly, no longer is. Also, I immediately told everyone not to look at his butt while he was preaching, because this is CHURCH y’all, and that is WRONG! So ya know, I kept it all holy and whatnot. My wife, who had just made a lunch appointment with his wife, was not pleased, and rightly so. This is one of those things she never thought to pray about before marrying me.)

It’s about recognizing that God can pick better for you than you can pick for yourself. But in listing out your desires, both serious and shallow, you might learn a bit about yourself. You might look at your list and say, “I need to be open to having a more active lifestyle, maybe it would be good to meet someone who really likes the outdoors”. Maybe you look at your list and you start thinking about what kind of father you’d want for your kids.

Learning about yourself and your desires, and taking in all your wants and wishes makes it that much easier to “cast all your cares on God” (1 Peter 5:7). And who knows, maybe the saved and better looking cousin of Mr. Gosling is out there praying to meet someone as cool, wise, and adorable as you! As James says, “you have not because you ask not” (James 4:2). 

Just make sure your deepest motive is to have a relationship that glorifies God.