Anonymous asked: So I’m dating this amazing, wonderful Christian guy, who stays off porn and we’ve set our boundaries and all of that. My question is, how can I overcome jealousy? I trust him 100% but it bothers me a lot that because of the world we live in, seeing girls in their underwear or bikinis or even nude is so common (especially at the movies) and I feel like my body, especially since I will never look like that, won’t be special or pleasing to him. Advice for overcoming this?
Unka Glen answered: Your man picked you. That should have been the final word on the subject of jealousy. And jealousy, as you may sense, comes from insecurity. And trust me when I say, when insecurity goes unchecked, you’ll find it to be pure poison to relationships.
God does things between your body and his eyes. Magical things. Wonderful things. Miraculous things. Don’t question that, or over-think it, just thank God, and learn to rely on His help. Mmkay?
I get the sense that women tend to do a lot of analyzing. When another woman walks in the room, we’re making a mental list. She has: cooler clothes, bigger boobs, better purse, nicer hair… and so on. I get the sense that this information is gathered in almost an automatic way, and that it comes flooding in before we even decide what we think of the information.
When you look at it that way, it’s hard NOT to be insecure. If you don’t like your body, you can look around all day, and a message is being broadcast to your brain: all these girls are better looking! But let me ask you this: so what? Do you need to have that body to get your guy? Nope. You got your guy with your body. Case closed.
All this analysis seems to point in a certain direction: the more hot chicks there are for my man to see, the less chance I have of turning him on, and keeping him. Sounds dumb when I say it out loud, huh? You’ve got moves those gals never had to develop. All of which leads us to a few important facts we need to remember.
Fact #1 You don’t need to be jealous where there is no competition. Sure, your guy might think an actress is attractive, but he’s aware that a) he doesn’t have a shot with her, and b) she’s probably a bit of a weirdo anyway. Treat your man better than he has any right to expect, and if he’s tempted AT ALL, kick his crusty butt to the curb, and tell him a better looking guy is about to come along and be amazed at his stupidity.
Fact #2 It’s a total myth that all guys have one idea of beauty. Some guys are athletic, and they want a gal who is slim and trim so they can be athletic together. Other guys love curves and jiggles, and other guys, well, they just like big girls, period. As we say in Texas, “there’s a lid for every pot”. When you find that right fit, that’s that. Most of us guys look at fashion models and don’t get the appeal (it’s almost as if a lot of the men in the fashion world are gay…).
Fact #3 (And I’m really giving you the secret sauce here) You know how, in the movies, women always play it cool, and guys are intrigued by that? Real life works the exact opposite way. A confident woman who shows her affections to a man becomes about a thousand times better looking to that man. “But I don’t wanna look desperate!” is the response of insecure women who are, in fact, almost always desperate.
Fact #4 You don’t need to be nekkid to be sexy. When a woman smiles at a man in a certain way… wow. that’s something all the porn stars and lingerie models in the world can’t compete with. When she whispers something flirty in a guy’s ear. Mmm. All those images on computer screens can’t compete with a real flesh and blood woman, one who knows how to love deeper, because she is loved by God in the deepest way possible.
None of those other ladies can compete with you.
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