Unka Glen

You are beautiful, so just get over yourself, would ya? Dang. You know those surveys where they say: “if you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?” The right answer is: nothing. Not because you’re perfect (who is), but because you’d just find something else to fix. Let Unka Glen school you: beauty has nothing to do with perfection. A paper bag has got perfect dimensions, but that don’t make it beautiful, that makes it PLAIN.

Besides, none of that will make any difference to your true love. Let me explain it this way… Like all of you, I’ve picked out my imaginary stripper name. What? Oh, I see, I’m the only one. Sure. Okay, anyway, my stripper name is: “The Vanilla Gorilla”. You may have guessed from this that I’m a furry little man… and you’d be right. Obviously this would make me something of an anomaly in the exotic dancing trade, appealing to a niche demographic at best. So, early in our marriage I told my wife that she could shave me down, and maybe use the clippings to stuff a pillow. But to my surprise, she said no.

She said, “I fell in love with a hairy man, and if you shave off all your hair, it’s not you.” We fall for the whole person, not a collection of body parts. When Solomon wrote of his beloved, he said “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” Know this: if you’re a furry little man who has a mega-hottie for a wife, that digs your furry little body, you know that God can do amazing things in the eyes of the one who falls for you. Decide today for yourself that you are beautiful, and know that God will give someone eyes to see what you’re working with!

See the entire “What The Heck” series here.