Unka Glen

iwastoldbyjesusallwaswell asked: How do I stop being so concerned with what others say and think of me? I know that the only affirmation or criticism that really matters is that of Christ, but I seem to take a whole lot of stock in that of people, especially people whose opinions should not matter.

Unka Glen answered: Did you ever notice, that people who care a lot about being liked, are often essentially likable people? Sometimes even likable to a fault? I’ll tell you why I think that is, but it’s gonna sound weird. People tend to covet what they already have. (Covet, meaning to yearn to possess or have something)

Think about it, rich people guard their money like it’s got legs and it’ll walk away if they don’t keep an eye on it. But ask a poor man to give you his last dollar, and he’ll say yes. After all, what’s the difference between having a dollar and being totally broke? Not much. Pretty people worry over their looks, popular people worry over their popularity, students with high GPA’s worry like crazy over their grades. 

The rich covet their own riches because they feel those riches have given them security, and they are deathly afraid of losing that security. Pretty people and popular people covet their own popularity and looks because they feel that these qualities have helped them avoid loneliness, and isolation. When you feel delivered by something, you don’t ever want to lose that thing.

But as James 4:2b-3 points out, this whole covet thing is about selfishness, and since we know it’s selfish, we don’t go to God and ask for it, thus it’s not part of our prayer life, and thus it stays under the radar. “You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

My guess is that you’re already a well liked person, and that all it takes to set you off, is maybe just one person who appears to not like you. Then you’re worried that there will be a sudden turning of the tide, and everyone will stop liking you. You covet your own likeability. This is all about protecting the things that you think being well liked gives you.

Maybe that’s the security of people you can supposedly rely on, maybe that’s supposedly never being lonely, maybe that’s having enough votes to say that you’re a good person to offset your own thoughts that you’re a bad person. In any case, you must hold to the truth that your deliverance is from the Lord and nothing else. He should give you that sense of identity, that sense of security, and the awareness that you will never walk alone.

Anonymous asked: Hello! so I’m a teen that was basically born in the church and I’ve gotten involved in lots of ministry at a young age. I love Jesus. He’s amazing! The thing is recently, I’ve been really bored in church. It’s so frustrating because I love learning about the Bible and worshiping and the whole thing…but I’ve just gotten bored having to sit in church. Me and Jesus are still cool, but what can I do to revive my enjoyment of the church experience?

Unka Glen answered: They make this stuff called Prozac, and if you take enough of that, it will definitely revive your enjoyment of the church experience. I don’t recommend you take that route however. If I can hold up a mirror to your situation, you’re talking about someone that goes into church pumped up about her faith, and she comes out bored and deflated. …And somehow this is her fault?

I don’t think so. And deep down, you don’t either.

So what we’re left with is, how do we confront the preacher in our church about these things? Well, I think it’s totally fair game to clearly express what your needs are. You mentioned being involved in ministries, so you might share how that creates certain specific needs within you. You might mention that you need a word that’s revelant to your everyday experience, one that’s vibrant and engaging.

Your pastor’s job is to help you meet your spiritual needs in Christ, if that’s not your pastor’s view, then essentially, he isn’t your pastor. I’ve spent the past decade or so working with pastors, helping them do inner city ministry. Now, the thing about urban ministry is, they won’t let you be boring, they’ll tell you that you’re boring, and that you need to step up because they’re hanging by a thread, and they need a word from the Lord.

Now I’m not in any way excusing your pastor, but the things that these men and women coming out of seminary have been told about ministry, and about preaching in particular, is… well… most days I have to laugh to keep from crying. That is to say, hard as it may be to imagine, your pastor may have been taught to preach in a boring way, and then he preaches in a place where nobody gives him useful feedback. Maybe a word from you could help. And for that matter, give your pastor my info, and I’ll be happy to talk to him myself.

Either way, the right move is to express your needs, respectfully, and maybe even offer a suggestion or two. At that point, the ball is in your pastor’s court. If he responds negatively, I think it’s reasonable to ask you you to be understanding about that (given what your pastor may have been wrongly taught), but I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to put up with an unresponsive attitude. And that might mean moving on.

But let us be perfectly clear on this, if you come in pumped about the Lord and hearing His Word, and you go out bored, then someone has done something PROFOUNDLY wrong, and has gone MILES in the wrong direction.

wakeup-sleeper asked: Hey Unka Glen! I’ve been dating this incredible guy for a few months now and things have been great for us. He’s preparing to leave for seminary in a few weeks, so our time together has been pretty limited. Recently, a friend (We’ll call him Ed) has been asking about hanging out since I have some free time on my hands. While we never dated, Ed and I had a bit of a romantic history between us. My boyfriend knows about this and has been perfectly accepting of our friendship since Ed is one of my best friends. Ed is now in a relationship of his own with a girl that lives on the other side of the nation, so they rarely see each other and he’s wanting a friend to hang out with. 

I talked to my boyfriend about seeing Ed, and all he said was that he “needs for me to be happy too” and that he doesn’t want to keep me away from friends. I know that he’s not comfortable with the idea and I cannot blame him. Honestly, the idea of seeing Ed makes me nervous because he never pressed to see me until he found out about my boyfriend leaving. I want to make my boyfriend happy and do everything to make him comfortable. I know relationships include sacrifices, so I want to know something: should I stay away from Ed to avoid upsetting my boyfriend, or should I go see my friend and enjoy his company?!

Unka Glen answered: So let me read that back to you… a guy you used to be romantic with, found out that your respective significant others are far away, and he wants to hang out, just the two of you, and you feel a little funny about that, and you’re wondering if you should go with your gut. I’d say yes, go with your gut on this one.

We all appreciate that Ed may have the best and most innocent of intentions, but one presumes that Ed has male friends with which he can hang. In the long run, having cross-gender friendships is nice, but not really necessary, and those relationships tend to be a bit fleeting. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with Ed, or your friendship, but things change, and relationships have to roll with those changes. 

As the Bible points out, there are plenty of things in life that are permissable, but not all of those things lead to positive outcomes. As 1 Corinthians 6:12 says, “Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims.” (MSG)

You’re passing through a time when friendships are the most important relationships you have, and you’re eventually entering a time when your spouse is by far the most important human relationship you have (your relationship with Christ being more important still). Working that transition can be tough, but for sure, putting your dating relationship above your cross-gender friendships makes good sense. 

You might also look at this as setting an example. You want your boyfriend to be careful about his interactions with his old romantic partners, and you want Ed to know that his girlfriend might not feel okay about this arrangement, so in many respects, you can help define smart boundaries for everyone. Maybe that just means having another friend around when Ed is there, maybe that’s simply telling Ed “no”, but your actions can help everyone make smart decisions. 

kbgrumbles asked: Unka Glen, you rawk. Just a heads up, in case you didn’t know. I was wondering if you had any tips on spiritual leadership; I’ve been elected Chaplain of my sorority for the upcoming year and while I’m super excited about it, I’m also super scared to drop the ball. Thanks!  (:

Unka Glen answered: Ya know, I always suspected, but it’s still good to have confirmation, that I do indeed rawk. Let me give you three key principles that will help keep you relevant and on-target in reaching out to any of your friends, in any situation. 

1. Lots of listening. If you followed me around while I ministered to people on my mission field, you’d see me do more listening than talking, for sure. The more I listen, the more I understand, and the more I understand, the less I need to say, because I can zero-in on the root cause. Often you’ll hear something and think, “I don’t know what to say”. In that moment, don’t say anything, ask more questions and do more listening.

It’s okay to say, “I don’t have any idea what this is even about, but keep talking, and let’s keep looking at this thing from different angles, until we get some insight on it.” Just by you taking the time to listen, people will feel ministered to, and by you showing a deep interest in them, they’ll feel flattered. Don’t focus on having all the right answers, focus on having the right heart. And when you get stuck, ask for help. That’s what full-time ministry professionals do.

2. Earn the right to be heard. It’s an old cliche because it’s true: people don’t care what you know, until they know you care. People need to know that I don’t judge them, that I would never look down on them, and that I’m coming from a place of love. By the time I open my mouth, I want the other person to feel like I’ve truly earned their time and attention. If I haven’t earned it, I’m likely to keep my mouth shut until I do. 

3. Set them free. 2 Cor. 3:17b says, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” The Holy Spirit is drawing everyone to Himself, but something holds us back. If you find that obstacle and remove it, you’ve set them free to have a more intimate walk with the Lord. If you say, “you need to break up with that boy, because you have a sinful relationship”, well, that sounds judgmental, and far from setting someone free, it’s weighing them down with the burden of their guilt.

Jesus said, in Luke 11:46, “You experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.” So if we’re going to actually lift a finger to help this gal, we might decide that low self-esteem is the reason why she’s in this dysfunctional relationship with the guy. If you don’t address the self-esteem, then she’ll just move on to another bad relationship.

So you might say something like this, to address her self esteem: “you’re so amazing and special, and I hate to see you settle for anything less than what you deserve. When I look at you, I see someone who could have an epic life. Where you see caterpillar, I see butterfly. God looks at you and sees a princess He wants to bless. I wish you’d let God show you all the stuff He shows me about you.”

Set them free, and they’ll keep coming back for more, and they’ll tell their friends, too.  

Anonymous asked: Hi unka glen. My issue is ive been distancing myself from God, and i know that in this time of “winter” that has come to my life, i must cling to Him and no one else, but how can i ask forgiveness, come back to Him, and get the prodigal daughter treatment when all i think is “I dont deserve this” and His mercy is so overwhelming that its hard to believe, like really? i keep messing up and you still take me back just like that? how do i deal with disappointment in myself?

Unka Glen answered: That word “deserve” sticks out like a sore thumb, doesn’t it? If you’re holding a lottery ticket, and they call out your numbers, would any part of your brain be saying: “Oh dear, I don’t deserve all this, I did nothing to earn it, perhaps I’ll just tear up this ticket and let someone else have it. Wow, that was close, I almost had something in my life I didn’t deserve!”?

Let me just put this one thought out there and see what we think— what if God just doesn’t care about your sin the way you think He does? I mean, we know that He loves us, and sin hurts us, so He cares about it that way. In this situation alone, you’ve got self-condemnation, your non-God-centered way of seeing yourself, your just plain un-biblical view of God (in order to beat yourself up, you have to believe that He agrees with you, turning God into a real mean jerk in the process). All of it is not only sinful, but it’s also clearly driving you nuts, bless your heart.

So God cares about your sin because of the pain it causes you, but why would that make Him want to turn away from you in anger, as opposed to making Him want to draw near to you, to rescue you? We know that God is just, so He cares about the wrong things you do, but He sent His Son to completely pay for that. So, ya know, it’s paid for. As in, someone was already punished for your wrong-doing, so this thing where you punish yourself, that’s really out of order. God has gone to unbelieveable lengths to get sin out of the conversation, and you keep sticking it in between the two of you.

Maybe you’re afraid of just being yourself with Him, even though God has literally moved Heaven and Earth to be with the real you. Imperfections an all.

I owe a debt that couldn’t be repaid in a thousand lifetimes. JESUS shed His blood for me. To say that I don’t deserve that, is to understate things to the point of insult. That “deserve” is a vulgar word in this situation, and it’s the kind of viewpoint only the enemy would concoct. “Deserve” doesn’t enter the picture in loving relationships. I’m not in the same universe with what I deserve, and I never will be.

The only right way to live with this truth is to be thankful. 

You asked how you deal with disappointment in yourself, the answer is to take the focus off yourself. Apart from God, I AM NOTHING. He is the potter, I’m just a lump of useless clay, I had no purpose before He came along, and when He’s done, I’ll never be anything fancier than a clay pot, but the treasure I carry, well, that’s more important and meaningful than you can imagine. (Isaiah 64:8; 2 Corinthians 4:7)

serenescreams asked: Hey Unka Glen, first of all: you’re awesome. Anyways, what exactly does it mean to be the salt and light of the world? 

Unka Glen answered: First of all, no you’re awesome. Second of all, good question. 

The Bible mentions light in several places as a metaphor for the process of revealing the truth and giving guidance. Today we might say, “let me shed some light on your situation” as a way of describing that same revealing-of-truth process. Around our inner city ministry, we often say, “lies only work in the dark”. By simply exposing the enemy’s lies to examination, they begin to break down.

For example, let’s say a friend of yours comes to you and says: “I think I’m never going to be married, I’m probably called to a life of singleness”. Well, we can and should acknowledge that this feels true, but at some point we do need to ask: is it true? Well, let’s shed some light on the situation, shall we? How many people do you know go their entire adult lives without ever being married? So maybe that’s, what, one out of a hundred? One out of two hundred? Just looking at it by the odds (which is how she’s looking at it) the odds say she’d have a tougher time staying single.

Then, we have to ask, would God want her to have no hope on this subject? Nope, that’s the work of the other guy. And that other guy doesn’t want her praying about her future relationships, and working on her issues, and preparing her heart for her future man, and working towards for a marriage that will rock this world. He wants her to just give up. Taking this situation out into the light will immidiately show her that her “calling” to singleness is a product of the enemy manipulating and using her tender emotions of grief and loneliness against her. And what is she gonna do, just sit back and take that abuse, or stand firm and kick some red devil butt?

In that moment, she will see whatever you shed light on. What you see, you caint un-see. You may not accept it, but you know what you saw.

As for salt, that one is easier. It turns out that if you put a certain amount of salt on meat, it will keep it from spoiling, which is a really good thing if you’re in the desert and you don’t have a refrigerator. It also makes stuff taste good. Which is quite a combo. Try eating a french fry without salt. Potatoes are almost totally tasteless, but fry ‘em up, and sprinkle in some salt, and you’ve got something people want want to super-size.

So on one level you’re being sent into the world with something tasty, something positive that makes life worth living (good news, if you will), and this same message is also keeping the decay and decline of the world at bay, giving it purpose, preserving its worth. …And you reflect the light that breaks the power of the enemies lies. Like I said, you’re awesome.

art by Maggie Yoingco, soon to be world’s greatest children’s book author, and an all-around amazing woman of God.

emptypen asked: Hi Unka Glen! Thanks so much for all you do. I was wondering what your thoughts are about “the third heaven” (2 Corinthians 12:2 NKJV). The phrase seems to be the same in all versions of the Bible that I’ve seen, but I’ve never heard it before - other than from Mormons, but that’s a whole different ballgame. I don’t think it’s super doctrinally important or anything, but I was just curious. Thanks again!

Unka Glen answered: You are right that it isn’t super important doctrinally, but as you also point out, some people have tried to make it into some funky doctrine. So let’s work this out. First, the verse in question: “I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows.” (2 Corinthians 12:2 NIV)

The Old Testament actually referrs to seven Heavens. Wow, huh? So does that mean I get to go to a better heaven than these losers? Can I get a better grade, and go to A+ Heaven? No. And sadly, that won’t stop the relentless urge on the part of Christians to rank themselves relative to each other. Your rank is the same as mine: Sinner Saved By Grace.

So if there are seven Heavens, how do we decide who goes to the really good one? Well, here’s the thing, I didn’t say that there were seven DIFFERENT Heavens, because in fact, I’m saying it’s seven different ways of referring to Heaven. A tad disappointing, I know.

But we can boil them down to three Heavens for the sake of simplicity:

1. The Sky, as in, everything in the atmosphere above us.

2. The Firmament, as in the place where the sun and moon and stars are (outer space).

3. The Dwelling place of God, as in, ya know, the real heaveny Heaven (the spirit realm).

If you think about it, we use the word “heaven” in roughly the same way today, we refer to the stars moving through the heavens, and so on. But when we’re referring to full-on Biblical Heaven, we’re referring to that third definition of Heaven, and thus when Paul refers to someone who caught up to the third Heaven, he simply means that third definition of Heaven I listed, not just someone who was lifted up in the sky or something.

As for me, I have a funny feeling that when you see me in Heaven, I’ll be the one with burnt-off eyebrows, face smudged with soot, smelling of sulphur, and a really shocked expression on my face, as I mutter, “man, that was close.” I’ve been a bit naughty, and perhaps naughty enough to be left to dangle for a bit. Nonetheless, I will be there with all the straight people.

brailoftheheart asked: Is there a way I can listen to the “Say That” podcast through my mobile phone instead of through iTunes? 

Unka Glen answered: If you’re rocking an iPhone or an Android phone, check out the free Stitcher Smart Radio app. I use it myself, and it’s really cool for accessing all kinds of cool free content. Just search for “Say That” within the app, we’re part of their network of stations.

If that doesn’t work for you, try this link (there’s a mobile-friendly link there as well), and you can find all our episodes. From there, you can download them, stream them, or even embed an episode on your blog and broadcast it to the world! 

Either way, thanks for your interest, we hope you have as much fun listening as we have in recording them. Oh, and do yourself a favor, check out The Watertower Podcast. Great stuff, definite spiritual pick-me-up, cool music… just really awesome.

icanfeelyourwhisper asked: Dear Unka Glen, I really appreciate your down-to-earth, practical answers to questions people have! My friends and I have recently been discussing a question, and I would love to hear your thoughts on it.. so here it is: What should the disciple of the 21st century look like?

Here’s my top ten list:

1. Friend of sinners. Jesus was called a friend of sinners (it wasn’t a compliment), and a true disciple should have the same reputation. Paul told Timothy that one of the requirements for leadership within the church was having a “good repuation with outsiders”. That means if we asked the gay kids on campus about a true disciple, they would say, “oh yeah, he’s cool”, or “we might be on a different page, but she’s always been genuinely sweet and loving towards me”. That means caring more about what non-believers say about you, than what believers say.

2. Authenticity. A true disciple isn’t trying to be their best imitation of some mega-church pastor. A true disciple recognizes: I’ve got to stay a nerd, to reach other nerds like me. I’ve got to go to church in my tattoos and piercings, so people with tats and piercings know they’re welcome in church. And a true disciple keeps it real about their own struggles.

3. Standing firm. A true disciple can’t be shook. A thousand fall to one side of me, ten thousand to the other side, but I’m only more dug-in than when I started. A true disciple doesn’t wait for the crowd, a true disciple strikes out, alone or not.

4. Isn’t a troll. A true disciple would NEVER give a negative unsolicited opinion, where they haven’t earned the right to be heard. I mean, NEVER would a true disciple “flame” or act as a troll. 1 Timothy 6:3-5 says it all: “they are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions, and constant friction”. The Bible says that when we have a problem with someone we approach them one-on-one first, not write negative stuff for the entire internet to see. 

5. Discernment. Knowing good from bad, right from wrong, that’s discernment and it’s good. Condemning people for acting bad or wrong, that’s judgment, and that’s bad (Romans 14:4). A true disciple is always discerning, but never judges.

6. Achievement is not an Idol. Good grades are nice, but not at the expense of mental health, healthy relationships, prayer, joy, romance, and the desire to live. Getting that raise, getting that promition, it’s all good stuff. A true disciple is driven, to be sure, but they know that the race doesn’t always go to the swift, and that God decides their future, not their grades or work performance. To a true disciple, God MUST be answered to first, no other priority has a that high a consideration.

7. Treats cowardice as a sin. Everyone hates confrontation, but a true disciple never runs from it. Everyone would hate being shot down if they asked someone out, but the way you would hate for everyone to find out about your secret lusts, that’s how a true disciple would feel about being caught acting cowardly. 

8. Treats worry as a sin. When God says “be anxious for nothing”, He means it, so a true disciple places all their burdens at the foot of the cross, and seeks to live a life that is worry-free.

9. Never manipulates. Where weaker or newer believers often resort to manipulating through the use of fear, shame, or guilt when they talk about the faith, a true disciple might be described as fearless, shameless, and in no way wracked with guilt. A true disciple trusts the power of the Word.

10. Respectful. A true disciple gives respect to get respect. They’re always ready to give an answer for the hope they have, but they know how to do that with “gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).