Unka Glen

Anonymous asked: Can I ask about pornography? I feel like I’ve fallen so many times, how many times will God forgive me? Am I really sorry if I continue to do it? How many times can I spit in Gods face? [edited for length]

Unka Glen answered: Well, you actually have about a zillion things about you that need fixing or tweaking or adjusting, right? In fact, nobody ever dies a perfect human being. So it’s kind of an endless list of things to work on, and that’s true for all of us.

So right away we know one thing for sure: God is infinitely patient. We know that God will never be dealing with a perfect human being. From birth to death, He will be dealing with some kind of wrongness from each of us. If He couldn’t tolerate all that, none of us would be here. 

He tells us that love is patient, and kind, and that it keeps no record of wrongs, and then He said, “I am love”.

But WE keep a record of our wrongs, don’t we? Despite Isaiah 43:18 telling us, “forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” We live in that past anyway. We make it about our performance when our performance didn’t get us saved and it certainly can’t keep us in good standing with God.

So if we let it drop when it comes to our past, we’re still in the present looking at a zillion sins, knowing that even in our future, this list of sins and imperfections will still exist. And there’s only one way to handle all this: one at a time. 

If I tell you to paint a house, you can’t paint all the rooms at once, right? you start in one place and you end in another. You plan it so that you literally don’t paint yourself into a corner. Same thing with your spiritual life, you’re meant to wisely start in one place, and end in another, dealing with one thing at a time. 

It’s SUPER IMPORTANT that you get this list of things you need to deal with in the right order. And in your case, this is your real problem: you’ve put porn at the top of your list. And so I must ask you, why? Is it of major theological importance? Does it effect your witness? Does it ruin your life in some tangible way? How did this get to the top of the list?

You and I know the answer is: the emotions of guilt put it there. Here’s what you need to know about that: guilt is a tool of the enemy, and it always entraps. In your case you’ve been convinced that looking at naked people is the exact same thing as “spitting in God’s face”. It’s obviously not. This is a lie. 

So we should have thought of GUILT as the thing to put at the top of this list! Our guilt tells us theological lies. It keeps us from sharing God with others in an effective way, because we either share our guilt-ridden lives (and who would want to sign up for that?), or more likely we don’t share Christ at all, because we feel unworthy. In the end guilt is ruining everything.

Why isn’t guilt at the top of your list? 

Not only isn’t guilt at the top of the list, it’s not even ON your list! Worse still, it’s actually the thing you’re using to decide what order the list goes in! Guilt was the setup. Guilt was the trap. Porn just happens to be the thing you were willing to feel guilty about. Once you’ve been convinced that you’ve “spit in God’s face”, then you can’t go to God and ask for help, right?

And the separation is complete. 

You think it’s the porn that did the damage. It was the guilt. And here’s the thing about that. Quit the porn, and the enemy with tempt you to feel guilty about something else. Now, by contrast, if you quit the guilt, then you have all that mental energy, and all that renewed connection with God, to fight the porn thing. 

You see, when you get that list right, each item you work on builds a momentum towards solving the next thing. 

suile-glasa asked: How do you deal with having doubts about God?

Unka Glen answered: Well, awhile back I had me some doubts. And I tried talking to my Christian friends about my doubts, but they were no help, because they were too busy repressing their own doubts to hear mine. Besides they were worried I’d talk us both into disbelief.

So I tried talking to my atheist friends, but I realized they were worried too, about losing their faith in nothing. Who knows, if they doubted all their non-belief, they’d end up, ya know, being a believer. So they weren’t any help. 

In the end, there was nobody to talk to except God, and that conversation went a lot like this:

Me: I have, like, doubts about all this stuff.

Him: I get that.

Me: You’re not mad?

Him: Nope. I like to do things on the down-low, so that way people come to me by choice. It’s better for the relationship that way. But it sometimes leads to moments of confusion.

Me: Yeah, I guess I kinda suck at the faith thing.

Him: Well, I can just give you the faith, that’s how it’s supposed to work anyway.

Me: Right on. I can dig that.

Him: I knew that you could.

Me: It’s just that sometimes things really look bad.

Him: There’s much more to life than what you can see.

Me: Yeah. That makes sense.

Him: But you can always come to me for answers, that’s how that’s supposed to work too.

Me: That sounds like a lot of me coming to you, and like, depending on you.

Him: Now we’re getting somewhere!

Me: Okaaay. You don’t mind me being kind of a hot mess about all this?

Him: I love talking to you about all this stuff, and there’s so much more for us to talk about as well. Don’t worry about your doubts, fears, or stumbles… just focus on keeping us connected. Everything you need will flow from that connection.

Anonymous asked: Hi Unka Glen. I’m a junior at a secular college, and there are times when I get an intense feeling of loneliness that affects my ability to concentrate and be productive. Last night, I got into one of those funks, where I was somewhere in between angry and sad because I felt very alone and misunderstood. Most of my friends are not Christians, and I’ve found that the Christian community here has not been there for me when I need them most. I know that I’m supposed to find my fulfillment in Christ and that He is the “friend that sticks closer than a brother,” but I don’t feel Him or always know He’s there. Sometimes, all I want is someone to hold me and to really listen to me, and even though I know I can go to God in prayer, I just want a physical person to be there, too. How do I make my relationship with Jesus so real that I don’t feel lonely? And what do I do about wanting a really close friend and never finding one I can trust? Thanks so much! 

Unka Glen answered: Think of your life like a boat. You’re designing it to take you from where you are, to where you want to be. As such, the way you build that boat is everything. It doesn’t matter how much wind you have in your sails, if your boat is leaking. It doesn’t mater if your navigation is perfect, if you can’t get your rudder to turn you in that direction. 

It doesn’t mater how bad you want this boat to get you there, it’s about a whole lot more than intentions and will power.

Here’s what you want: 

• Intimacy with God
• Friends you can trust
• Physical affection

All of those are good things to want, they’re all good goals, and indeed, I’m sure God wants ALL of these things for you (particularly in the order I listed them…and the order in which we pursue these goals can be critical).

Here’s what you’re doing to get yourself there: 

• Have secular friends

You can see the problem, and let’s take this moment to bring everyone else into this discussion, because a huge percentage of people out there are doing the same thing, they have a good goal, but their mechanism for how they’re going to get there is so obviously not going to work, that it would seem laughable that they’d have any expectation of getting where they’re going.

I see people trying to quit porn by feeling way more shame, people trying to have healthy dating lives by (aherm) never dating anyone, and people trying to quit a hardcore crack addiction, by just having a lot of willpower. That boat ain’t gonna get you there. You’ll be lucky to get out the of harbor with that mess.

So let’s take a look at your goals, and get some simple, workable solutions that make sense, okay? 

Intimacy with God. Be honest and tell God all your secrets. Tell Him everything. Tell Him the things you’re ashamed of, and let Him take away the shame. Tell Him the things you’re angry about, and let Him take away the anger. There is no intimacy without communication, so stop trying to be right before God, and just be you. The intimacy you create with God will produce those right things in you.

Friends you can trust. You need fellowship, and to have that, you’ll need to find some good Christian friends. Trust me when I tell you I’ve been burned by Christians more than anyone I know, but still, there are plenty of your brothers and sisters out there who are worthy of your trust. I’d start by looking for the ones who are actually doing something with their faith. Particularly something with the poor, or the lost, or the hurting.

Physical affection. In the wake of World War II, a lot of orphans were created, as you might expect. And an unusual number of those babies started to die. Soon they discovered that if the nurses simply picked these children up and gave them physical affection, they would live. 

People need affection, and I know it’s the fad nowadays to put off dating and marriage to an unusually late date, but at some point, needs can’t just be ignored. I’m not talking about sexual stuff here necessarily, I’m just talking about hugging, kissing, holding hands, snuggling, and playing “two spoons in a drawer”.

God wants all of these things for you, so walk the path He’s laid out for you, the one that actually leads to these things becoming reality.

Anonymous asked: Hey Unka Glen I have a question. Why doesn’t God answer our prayers? He said ask anything according to His will and He’ll hear us and grant us our requests. Why does God give us the desire yet not grant them? 

Unka Glen answered: Imagine you have a small child, and your child says he wants a pet tiger. Well, first, that’s not really possible. Second, the tiger would eat everyone. And third, no. Just, no. How about a cat? it’s the same principle in miniature.

Now, on one level you can totally understand why your kid wants a pet tiger. It would be AWESOME to have a pet tiger. No question. And for the record, well done with the imagination. But still, no.

If you feel upset about hearing no, that’s understood, it’s a cool idea in its own way, and it’s a shame the dream had to die. Cry if you want to, be mad if you want to, I don’t blame you. But at the end of the day, no tiger for you.

God wants what’s best for you, and yet He wants to hear your crazy tiger-dreams, He understands your frustration, and yet he loves you enough to say the thing He knows will break your heart. As you said, God grants things according to His will, and it’s His will that you end up as something more than quivering chunks in the digestive tract of a large jungle cat.

You can trust in a God who will say no when you need to hear it, and you’re no fool for following a God who says, I want BETTER for you than this thing you’re asking for, BUT you have to be made ready for that blessing (perhaps some large animal veterinary training that will allow you to work with any number of tigers at the local zoo). 

God doesn’t grant our every desire because they’re too small, too shallow, and too short-term.

Life is a hurricane. It swirls, and blows, and chaos ensues. Some people try to keep it all in order, others try to pretend it’s not happening, others just try to hang on and ride it out.

The goal for us as Christians, is to find the eye of that storm, where it’s still, where we can look straight up and see cool blue sky. It may rage all around us, but there is peace in the eye of the storm. There is peace in the midst of chaos. 

This eye is moving, it moves forward, and we must move with it, lest all the storms and worries of life overtake us. By the same token, if we move too fast, we dash into the face of this storm, and we constantly become subject to it’s fury and drama and turmoil. 

Be still at the heart of your storm. Be still and know that He is God. Be still and know that you are not God. Then ask God to take every anxiety you have. Clear the slate. Know the peace that surpasses all understanding.

prettiest-romance asked: Unka Glen, I feel so depressed. I’m trying to read more Bible verses and feel hopeful, but I can’t. I’m so sad all the time, I can’t shake it. I feel like I’ve been lied to this whole time. Everyone says that God has a plan for me, but I’m so miserable because of my own decisions. It feels like everyone else is running ahead of me and I’m left behind, trying to be happy when I’m not. I can’t do this anymore. What does God want from me?

Unka Glen answered: What God wants from you, is YOU. He doesn’t want you “running ahead” with your friends. He wants you. As you are. He doesn’t want to talk plans about the future. Plenty of time for that later. Neither does He want to focus on your past.

He just wants you. The real you. Right now.

You’re tired of pretending to be happy when you’re not. You’re tired of pretending to be all “Christian” about things, when you don’t feel Christian sometimes. You feel sad, and frustrated, and so, so tired. You feel like you can’t keep up the act anymore. So why don’t you just drop it?

We all know we’re being a bit fake with each other in the church.

In twelve step programs they have a saying: “fake it until you make it”. The idea being, if you don’t know how to live sober, start by pretending that you’re a sober person, and imitate what sober people do. Pretty soon, by faking it, you become that thing you want to be. This makes a certain amount of sense when you’re trying to change your lifestyle, but it won’t work for living out your faith.

And that’s a shame, because a lot of people say to themselves: “I don’t know how to act Christian, so I’ll just pretend, and act like I’m saved.” You can see the problem right away. Saved is a state of being. It’s something you either are, or you are not. It’s not an act.

Imagine I adopt you as my daughter, and bring you into my home. There’s no need to act as if you’re family, because you are family. But let’s say you decide to pretend and act like part of the family because you just can’t seem to accept that you really are part of the family. 

And let’s say that we show you love and acceptance in the family. Well, your first thought is: they aren’t loving me, they’re loving the fake person I’m pretending to be. Wherever there is pretending and fake-ness, no love can be received, no matter how much it’s sent. Indeed there can be no hope of love.

And all along is the abiding fear: what if they got to know the real me?

Well, God knows the real you, and He loves you right now, as you are. Sure there’s plenty that both you and God want to change about your life, but there’s nothing you can do to make God love you any more than He does right now, and there’s nothing you can do to make Him love you any less.

I can’t answer for all the people in your life, as to what they’ll think of the real you, but those who love you, already see the real you. Others around you are longing to be real in their own lives, and they’re waiting for someone to have the courage to lead the way. As for me, I love real Christianity. Raw, funky, unfiltered, and messy. I vastly prefer the real messy you, over the not-quite-believable mask of perfection.

ashmariie asked: TAG, you’re it! The rules are to state ten random facts about yourself. Then send this to the fifteen nicest people on tumblr.

Unka Glen answered: Generally I’d prefer this blog to be about YOU, but I suppose you do deserve to know what kind of dude is writing all this, so here goes:

1. I’m from Texas. This means that every woman, from my 3 year-old-neice, to my oldest Aunty, is either sweetheart, darlin’, or hon. When my wife asks me to do something for her I say, “yes ma’am”. I always take my hat off my head when speaking to a woman,and I’m prone to Texas sayings in my sermons. (“I’m not going to say our next door neighbor was heavy, bless her heart, but she was warm in winter and shady in summer”).

2. If you asked me to use one word to describe myself, I would choose: scoundrel. I would say I’m a scoundrel with a thin candy coating of sanctification.

3. I don’t like wearing pants. If you come to my house unannounced you will almost certainly find me in my boxers. I check the mail every day, even in Chicago winters, in my underwear… to my wife’s horror. My feeling is, if you don’t wanna see nothin’, don’t go lookin’ for nothin’!

4. During our wedding ceremony, my wife put the ring on the wrong finger. (I know!) I’ve been accused of holding out the wrong hand intentionally. (Can you imagine?) Nonetheless, as a result, she is married to me, but (technically) I am not married to her. I need to look that up to be sure, but I’m pretty sure that’s the law. You can’t argue with facts.

5. I make stuff. I made a set of golf clubs once. I made the digital clock that sits next to my desk. And the lamp I’m typing by. I figured out how to string a ukulele to be tuned like a mandolin (this involved WalMart fishing line), and with an electric pickup, volume and tone controls, I invented the world’s only Electric Mandolele. This may be the least cool invention ever…or the most cool…I’m not sure. I’ve also made my own custom fitted earbuds, they sound awesome, but they look very much like a pickled pig’s rectum.

6. I hosted a Christian radio program several years ago, and I got in trouble for saying, on the air, “today’s show is so good, it’s gonna give the devil a pants-down spankin’!.”

7. I have a gold tooth all the way in the back of my head. I lost the tooth after hitting the ground in a state of unconsciousness. A very large school bully was harassing a very small kid for being a Muslim, I stepped in (despite being pretty much the same size as the kid), and blamo! I didn’t actually like the kid much myself, and he never thanked me. I feel there’s a lesson in this story, but I have no idea what it might be.

8. I’ve preached at chapel services for the Chicago White Sox, and the Milwaukee Brewers.

9. I am a Christian, but I remain a work in progress. God’s not in a hurry with this work, and so neither am I. God and I are walkin’ and talkin’ and we’re intensely engaged in working things out. The natural by-product of this will certainly be a less sinful me, but it might take awhile. In this, God is patient with me, whether anyone else is or not.

10. I really, truly love writing this blog, and I really truly love YOU for reading it. Seriously. Almost all of these posts are queued to drop in the evenings, but the majority of them are written very late at night, after a long day of urban ministry. You have amazed me and inspired me. You’ve encouraged me, and pushed me to be my best, and when I realized my best wasn’t good enough, I had to go to God to get HIS best. You deserve nothing less.