Anonymous asked: What’s the difference between loving a woman and being in love with a woman?
Unka Glen answered: The Bible says there is romantic love, (which the Bible calls “eros”), and God’s love (which the Bible calls “agape”). For all too many people, when they say they’re “in love” they mean that they have eros, but not the agape. But for you, when you fall in love, you should be feeling both.
So what does it look like to have BOTH the eros AND the agape? Well…
- This kind of love will make you want to be a better man for her. You suddenly realize you have a lot of stuff that needs changing. Deep down you know she is God’s own princess. She’s human the same as you, and yet, you know she deserves better than the way you act around your friends.
- This kind of love makes you pleased to serve. It gives you joy in the face of sacrifice. Her happiness is your happiness.
- This kind of love causes you to see her as God sees her. To see her potential in Christ, the obstacles that hold her back, and the way to help her overcome those obstacles, one at a time. To love her is to see her as God created her to be, and to honor her, and respect her, and to treat her as if all that potential has already been realized.
- This kind of love allows you to be totally hot for her in that way where you want to marry her, take her to that honeymoon bed, memorize every inch of her body, find every secret spot that makes her melt, and spoil her with pleasure until her toes curl and she remembers why she puts up with you. But this same love gives you all the strength you need to wait, and savor that waiting, knowing that the waiting is all part of making it great. …As is making up for lost time (can I get an Amen?).
- This kind of love is patient, it’s kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it’s not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. This love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
This love never fails.
For some people Valentine’s Day is a wonderful day full of romance and flowers and if that’s you, I’m happy for you. But I’d like to say something to everyone else…
Hey.
I know today kind of feels like a reminder that your life is missing something that you want, and that other people have. I’m sorry about that. I really am. Your day will come. I promise. If you’re still single when you get to be my age, I hereby promise to buy you a steak dinner, how about that for a guarantee?
Meanwhile, I want you to know that I love ya. Heck, I love ya a whole dang lot. I know that ain’t exactly all that you’ve been dreaming of, but the thing is, it’s not my love, it’s God’s love that He puts in my heart for you. And I wish I could tell you how overwhelming that love is. How immense. How compelling.
You are loved far beyond your wildest dreams. Fall deep into that love, so much so that every other love is just icing on the cake.
One of my favorite poets of all time goes by the tumblr handle chaiivee, and she posted this recently, and I feel like she says it all.
i made a little doll
with a paperclip heart
it came to life one night
to say the edges of her metal heart
cut her when it opened up.
she said, why did you give me a heart that could hurt me?
i said, that’s how mine is; that’s all that i know, dear.
Anonymous asked: Much is said about guys and girls saving their virginity for marriage, but what about all other kinds of things that are given up before then? Kissing, saying “I love you”, etc… How much should we save for the one we know is to be our spouse? Is it just as bad to give away your heart countless times, as it is to give away sex while unmarried? Any guidance would be appreciated.
Unka Glen answered: Ya know, I really don’t like this “giving away” phrase, and I think it’s the key to understanding your question. In Greek, the language of the New Testament, “eros” is used to describe romantic love, and “agape” is love that comes from God to us. So now, read this verse: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
You would assume that verse about husbands LOVE your wives would use the word eros, but it’s not. It’s agape. What that means is that romantic relationships between Christians are rooted and established in a love that God gives the man for the woman, and in a love God gives the woman for the man. Which is a pretty flippin’ cool thing, if you ask me.
But it doesn’t fit with this idea that Christian romantic relationships are about giving something away that is then lost forever. When it comes to agape love, I have as much love as I receive. Agape love comes from God, and He never runs out. As long as I’m willing to receive love from God, I have love to give.
Showing affection and expressing love, agape or eros, is beautiful, and exciting, and part of being young, and having hormones, and everything. I remember my first kiss when I was in junior high. It was sloppy and awkward and sweet and a thrill of galactic proportions. And I remember my first kiss with my wife. Did the fact that I had kissed other women before I kissed my wife, make that first kiss with my wife less meaningful? C’mon, be serious.
Maybe thinking of “saving” this or that for “the one”, leads to some wrong ideas about relationships, instead let’s think of it as allowing God to call the shots. If He puts love in your heart for someone, so be it. If He gives you the thumbs up to date someone, so be it. He will give you boundaries, and you should know those boundaries, and you should NEVER violate those boundaries. But, having worked all that out, you’re meant to savor and enjoy everything within those boundaries.
Repressing love and affection does not lead to healthy dating or healthy marriages.
denyandfollow asked: I’m a sophomore in college, studying to get a Bachelor’s degree in both Biblical Studies and Behavioral Psychology. I recently broke up with a girl I’ve dated for, altogether, 2 years or so. I did this because she said “I do not feel as strongly about you as you do me.” I loved her with all I had, still do. Somewhere deep inside, I hear “Wait. Trust Me.” But this is very hard to accept. I really believed she was it.
Unka Glen answered: This is the thing about relationships, if you didn’t treat them like they’ll last forever, then you’d never have taken it seriously enough to give it a chance. But believing that it would last forever, makes the fall from the relationship that much harder. And I’m truly sorry for all the pain you’re feeling right now.
The question you may be asking is, given that she said she didn’t love you as much, did you love her too much? The answer is NO. In Godly relationships this is how we love:
- We love because God puts that love on our hearts
- We love without abandon
- We love without hesitation
- We love without protecting our pride
- We love without protecting our image, or our self-esteem
- We don’t love just to be loved back
- God’s love is one-way love
- It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres… it never fails
- Sometimes that love comes back to us, sometimes it doesn’t, but this love doesn’t need to be loved back.
Yes, to have a healthy dating relationship and a healthy marriage this love needs to be returned, but that doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong in loving her with your whole heart. And as hard as it is to hear, “wait, trust me”, this is exactly what God says to a brother He’s about to bless. This is good news. So do what it takes to prepare yourself to receive His blessing.
simplyperplexed asked: I’m having this battle with my thoughts. It’s like, sometimes I really don’t believe in God. Everything sounds absurd to me. I’m constantly telling myself there’s no way. However, I also have this other side that’s like… holding on to Him. No matter how hard I try to convince myself He isn’t real, there’s a piece of me wanting to believe… It’s all been taking a toll on me. I’ve cried myself to sleep multiple nights. I just don’t know what to think anymore.
Unka Glen answered: You’re in love. Your head can deny the logic of it, but your heart knows the truth. Sure, you love other stuff. Stuff you don’t even want to think about letting go of. Stuff that you know you’ll end up letting go of, if you allow this love-beyond-logic to grow in your heart. This is a love that won’t be denied. You love God whether you believe in Him or not. Your concern is that nothing will be the same again, that you’ll be lost in this love, that this love will consume everything.
IT WILL.
