Anonymous asked: I was hoping you could give me some advice? There’s this guy, and we’re really good friends, and we spend a lot of time together at church and uni. But I found out that he likes someone else. I’m trying to get over him, but I see him so often that I can’t avoid him. I love being his friend and I wish I didn’t have all these feelings… He’s really attractive and kind! Do you have any tips on how to get over someone you’ve never dated?
Unka Glen answered: Well, as Tennyson once said: “’tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” And, as he is quite correct about that, I fear you’re getting the rough end of that equation right about now.
Oh, you know the thing I’m supposed to say, something like “you should let God be your boyfriend, and think of Him, and look for no further attachments and entanglements, do your homework, achieve success, pay your taxes, and eat your vegetables.
But let’s not do that dance. This is a serious and heartbreaking situation, and something serious must be done. And so…
How about fighting for this guy? Hmm? I mean, okay allegedly he likes someone else, but it sounds like you heard about that second-hand. And I don’t know if you can dig it, but it’s possible for one dude to be attracted to more than one gal. Or to be attracted to one this week, and another the next week.
He sounds like he’s worth it, and one thing is for sure, if things didn’t work out, you could rest assured that you did everything you could. Ah, but there’s a reason why every romantic movie you’ve ever seen is about a woman being chased by a man (usually two in fact, one who is Pretty, But All Wrong, and another that is Shy And Polite, But Has Hidden Depths).
Nobody wants to be the hero that makes the bold romantic gesture, everybody wants to be the one putting in no vulnerability, and yet enjoying all the relationship has to offer. And when you put it like that, it seems like some people hardly deserve to be in the relationships they’re in.
If you’re looking for where God fits into this equation, it’s in all the places He never seems to be allowed any authority or leadership at all. God should be involved in the discernment process of helping us to see who the quality dating partners around you might be. Maybe He’ll show you one quality in one guy, and another quality in some other guy, in order to help you see the kind of man He wants for you.
And God should be our rock, our anchor. Our sense of self and our sense of esteem should come from Him. So we should have no fear of rejection or breakups. As bad as those things can suck, and they can suck all the way at times, but still, it doesn’t strike us at our core. It can’t shake us to our foundations.
As that other great social philosopher W. D. Gretzky once said, “you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.”