Unka Glen

Anonymous asked: Hello, Unka Glen. Basically, I’ve been dating this guy for nearly half a year now, and things are going really well…kindof. My current boyfriend is such a wonderful man. He’s smart, and funny, and he loves God. He’s my best friend and I love him dearly. But..the problem is we have gone farther than I ever intended to go, and deeply regret it. (Note: we have not gone “all the way”) It seems that both of us struggle with lust and we need help and accountability. I don’t want to give up on the relationship, but I will if it’s the right thing to do. I guess I’m just looking for some wise, un-biased advice. Thanks for your help. 

Unka Glen answered: Well, to me, it sounds like we have something worth saving here, and for sure all the struggles with lust are normal and to be expected. So let’s start by assessing the nature of this problem. You say there’s a problem with lust and self-control here, but I think the problem might be faith and wisdom (which are much easier problems to fix).

Paul said, in Romans 14, “Everything that does not come from faith is sin.” He’s saying that you’re meant to go to God, and ask what to do, and then do that thing, having faith in God that this thing is the right thing. When you do that, you’re walking in righteousness. Everything else is sin.

This quote comes in a chapter where Paul is talking about meat that had been sacrificed to idols. Some Christians thought it might be a sin to eat meat that was part of a religious ceremony honoring a false god. But Paul tries to explain that this isn’t the kind of thing that the Lord cares a whole lot about, and that they need to pray and see that for themselves, BUT…

If they don’t seek God’s wisdom on this, then they can’t be certain that this particular action is right or wrong. Thus they live in doubt, and “Whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat [the meat sacrificed to idols], because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.” The sin in your case isn’t that you violated your own boundaries, it’s that you set your own boundaries.

By not asking God where that line should be, you both were heading off on your own, away from God’s wisdom and guidance. And here’s the wild part, maybe God will tell you the stuff you’re doing now is okay, and here you are beating yourself up, because of rules you made up in your head. And here’s another thing, it’s very easy to cross a line you set up, but crossing that same line, when you know that God has set it, well, that’s something else.

You mentioned accountability, and if I could hold up a mirror to your generation, I would tell you the lack of accountability comes from a lack of certainty. There’s a lot of hand wringing, and self-doubt, and uncertainty, and “who’s to say?” in your generation, and by contrast, there’s a discomfort with someone who is convinced about things. 

But if you actually work through those doubts, you reach a point of certainty. And when know for sure what you must do, there’s no escaping the choice. As long as you wallow in intellectual uncertainty or religious supserstition, you’re free to not act, because, after all, “who’s to say what I should do?” 

But in this same chapter, Paul says “I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean.”

In essence Paul is saying that we’re taking things that aren’t sins (or may not be sins), and turning them into sins because we don’t seek the wisdom from God to know where the path is, and thus we aren’t walking in that wisdom by faith. In your case, the solution is very simple, shut down the physical side of things until both of you are sure you’ve heard from the Lord on it.

In fact, if you haven’t already, I’d go back to the beginning and ask if it was God’s will for you to get together in the first place, and then ask for all kinds of good wisdom on stuff. Do we need to spend more time on studying the Word together? Should our prayer life be different as a couple? How can we best exhort one another to hold to the faith? Each answer will give you more peace than you can imagine, and excitement, knowing that you’re on the path.

Then ask about the physical side of things, and make sure you know where GOD is setting that boundary. And keep checking for wisdom on that, in case the Lord wants to change where that line is. This is stuff you both can do, and knowing where those lines are, will give you the freedom to fully enjoy everything on the right side of that line. Trust me, you’re both gonna do great at this.

hisquietvoice asked: Hi Unka Glen, as a Christian, how sure are we of being with God when we die? I mean, I get confused between two sides. Firstly, that all you need to do is believe and you will be saved and then there’s the other side of view, you need to have “faith with works” and what kind of works does the Bible really refer to? Thanks Unka Glen!

Unka Glen answered; When the Bible refers to works, it basically refers to doing “good deeds”, doing something with your life that is spiritually good. That could be changing your lifestyle in some way, it could be witnessing to a friend, it could be driving an old lady to church. Nothing complicated there. 

And the Bible does say that if you are saved, we ought to be able to tell, in much the same way you can tell that an apple tree is an apple tree becasue it’s got, ya know, apples growing on it. As James 2:26 says, “As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead”. If you’ve got the faith, then it’s gonna change your life, and we’ll be able to tell. This too is simple.

Where it gets complicated is in dealing with the fact that you are saved, and yet you still sin. You aren’t perfect already, imagine that! You’re producung some good fruit from this new thing at work within you, but you sometimes produce bad fruit from the old you that isn’t totally out of the picture. The truth is, you can’t be saved because of any good work you do, you’re saved becasue of what you accepted. 

Which leads us to the most important point. Yes, we should see good works (eventually) coming from a believer’s life, but make no mistake, good works has NOTHING to do with being saved or staying saved. At all. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “It is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”

God did the work to save you, and when He did, He made your sin (past, present and future) powerless to separate you from God. It’s all been paid for. If you can’t wrap your mind around that, you’re stuck on square one of Christianity. Of course the sin in your life, and mine, still has all kinds of serious consequences, so there’s ample motivation for getting rid of it. 

But when you’re saved, you’re adopted into God’s family. And Paul says we receive a Spirit that cries out, “Abba” which is what very small children called their fathers in that part of the world (Rom. 8:15-16). You’re God’s little wriggling baby, full of potential and beloved in ways your human mind cannot begin to take in. Like a small child, you don’t have any idea what right and wrong truly are, until you learn from your Abba.

Imagine holding your child in your arms, what could that child do to make you stop living her and send her away? 

unclaimedbreath asked: Hey Unka Glen! how are you doing today? My life took a turn for its worst a couple of years ago, but I got back up, fixed things, and now that I am clean, I’ve been trying to reach out to Jesus. I try to talk to Him but it honestly feels like I’m spilling my heart out to nothing. I feel like He answers me, but I’m scared to trust, and I never get the answers I was looking for. I have learned by experience to never trust, even myself. My youth group leader was telling me that she thinks that my heart wants this relationship with Jesus but my head won’t let me because I’m scared. I was wondering if you could give any advice to help me. [edited for length]

Unka Glen answered: I work with people recovering from addiction, and all of them struggle with trusting. The reason is simple, at some point in any kind of addiction, you start breaking promises to yourself. At that point, you begin to think, who can I trust, if I can’t trust myself?

Futhermore, you might feel that to the extent that people are aware of this addictive behavior, they may be disgusted with you in the same way you’ve been disgusted with yourself. And it’s pretty hard to trust someone that you feel is likely to judge you like that. So you start to think: “If you knew me, you wouldn’t believe in me.” 

And God certainly knows you, so there you have it.

I think your youth group leader is right on track. Being vulnerable before God can be as scary as it gets. BUT you already know how things will go with the Lord, don’t you? God doesn’t have to wait for you to present yourself before He punishes you. If He wanted to punish you in any way, it would already be done. You know His arms are open wide, you know He loves His lost sheep, your heart confirms the truth of that even as you read these words.

But in the end it’s still a leap. For all of us, it’s that final leap of faith. I know it’s scary, but take it anyway.

Anonymous asked: So for the past year or so I have been approached by a couple of guys that have shown interest in me. But what I realized in each situation, whether I had a major crush on them or not, is that I would get freaked out. I feel that it’s either that I’m afraid of a relationship, or something’s not right. Either way I never feel at peace about it. Is this God telling me now is not the time? [edited for length]

Unka Glen answered: Well it is possible that the Lord is holding you back from being in these relationships, and it is possbile that you’re a big ol’ chicken. Frankly I’m leaning towards chicken, becasue a brave gal would have gone to the Lord and got a clear thumbs up or a clear thumbs down from the Lord at this point. 

But let’s say this before we explore that. If you aren’t ready for a relationship, and you don’t feel a peace about it, don’t go into it. You should know what God wants for you, and when He wants it to happen, meanwhile, you should have a general sense of what you need to work on within yourself, to prepare yourself for those kinds of relationships. 

So then, assuming all that’s in place, what is it that you really have to be worried about? Wasting some of your formative years on an emotionally exhausting relationship? Who hasn’t? Distracting yourself from your studies? Please. Losing your mind and going hormone crazy and jumpin’ on a guy like a jungle cat and scaring him half to death? Well… possibl no that’s not likely either.

If I go down to my local Christian bookstore, and I read some Christian dating books, a lot of them read like that scene in the action move where the hero has to figure out how to diffuse the bomb before it goes off. “Hurry! My biological clock is ticking! And I’m lonely! And horny! Cut the blue wire… no the red wire… oh man, if I get this wrong everything is ruined and destroyed forever!!!”

Yeah, right. 

Let me bottom line this for you. I hope you don’t make any mistakes in your dating life, I really do. But avoiding it altogether is making a mistake in itself. As they say in basketball, you miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take. When the time is right, get in the game, take your shot, and yes, you will make some mistakes, but you’re stronger and smarter than you think you are, and you can rebound quickly and take another shot faster and easier than you think you can.

When God is guiding you, believe me, you have nothing to fear.

If you’re moving forward, really trying to live this Christian life, sooner or later you face something like one of these two questions:

agape-idealist asked: Ever since I started to get closer to God, everything fell apart. I lost all my friends, I’m constantly sad and confused PLUS I keep getting bad grades. Its been my experience that if I put effort in, I will be successful. I feel as though God put me in this program but I never get the grades that show I’m being successful! Could I not be doing enough? Question is, if God determines my path, how do I ever know if I’m doing enough?

my condolences asked: Unka Glen, I feel that God is too good to me. He blesses me too much. There are people around me who, when they fall in their walk, get disciplined immediately, and harshly. I can’t recall a time when God disciplined me after doing bad; conversely, He has been doing much GOOD to me upon failing Him. I don’t think this is fair, and I don’t like this. I want Him to discipline me. Am I a fake?

Unka Glen answered: I want us to all think hard, and ask ourselves where we got this idea that we have a sort of mechanical relationship with God. If I do well, He should immediately reward me in a physically observable way, right now. And likewise, if I mess up, He should punish me immediately, and not make me wait for it to happen. This is not how God works, this is how the world works. Do the right thing, generally things go well, do the wrong things, and you face the consequences.

But Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Historians for years struggled to figure out how Christianity spread so far, and so fast, despite it being an outlawed religion, and despite the fact that the Romans did everything they could to wipe it out. 

What they found was that when Christians were killed in the coliseum, they went to their death singing praises to God in front of everyone. Nobody had ever heard of a religion where people believed in it, even when God appeared to be letting them down. Likewise, those Christians they didn’t kill, they sold into slavery, and they sent those Christian slaves to the four corners of the empire. And wherever they touched down, they preached the Gospel. It was the Romans themselves that spread the Gospel. Could the Christians at the time have seen all this? Probably not. 

Hard times do happen for a reason, and we usually don’t know that reason, and it doesn’t matter, because the times are hard, and we move forward by faith anyway. Beyond that, we can’t leave out spiritual warfare here either, can we? You’ve taken a side, and you represent a threat. Expect an attack. The Bible says be on your guard and be prepared to stand your ground (Ephesians 6). Remember, the enemy can’t touch you, or your future, he can only make it LOOK like you’re not going to make it.

Likewise, in this second question, we see the same approach, where we’re asking for judgment, not grace. Please, beloved, do not do that. Humble yourself and live with the grace, take that word “deserve” out of your vocabulary. Likewise we see in both these questions a sense of “am I approved by God, am I acceptable to Him?” Well Jesus went past acceptance, to love, to the willingness to be hung on a cross, to dying for your sins. He’s way past acceptance, the real question is, do you accept God as He is?

I wonder if, like the rest of us, you think of God in your own (mostly jacked up) ways, and over time, you get to know the real God for who He really is. In this case, you both want to live in a world where fear of punishment on one side, and greed for blessings on the other, are the two things that keep you in line. God wants you to live in a world of undeserved love and total forgiveness, indeed total adoption, and then face a battle of unimaginable proportions in which you have a key role to play. 

So what will keep you in line? Romans 2:4 says: “Do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” Love leads us to follow Him in the midst of strife, and love leads God to protect us in the midst of that strive. Love leads us to repent, and love leads God to forgive. 

princessaguzie asked: I’m taking the SATs in two days. This test determines where I’ll be next year for college. The first time I took it, I was so nervous which led me to loose focus, and of course I didn’t do well. I know that we all reap what we sow, but do you think God will still help me? I didn’t study like I was supposed to because of everything else that I had to do, and my lack of energy. But do you think God will still help me on the test even though I didn’t do my part? I am no where near confident that he will.

Unka Glen answered: If God only helped those who deserved it, He’d have nothing to do all day. God totally wants to help you relax and focus. He wants to help you do your best. God isn’t waiting for you to do your part, He’s waiting for you to lay back into His arms and let Him hold you awhile. He wants to strengthen you, and to do amazing things though you. Your part in that is to submit to Him fully.

When a Christian gives their life to God, you can rest assured that God will do something with that Christian.

Also, this test doesn’t determine your future, God does.

Also, myself and my followers will be lifting you up, because that’s how we roll.

You had me going there for a minute. Things started looking pretty bad, like dang. Things looked like maybe I’d be stuck with this for the rest of my life. But then I remembered that making things look bad is pretty much the only trick you have. I mean, it’s not like you could stop me. If you could stop me, I’d be stopped, right? I mean, you don’t want me to rise up and kick your little red butt (like we both know is gonna happen) so if you could take me out, I’d already be took out.  All you can do is make it LOOK like God’s plan for my life isn’t gonna happen. All you can do is make it LOOK like my blessing is gonna pass me by. And I have to admit, ya had me goin’ for a second, but then I remembered that I’m supposed to walk by faith and not by sight, so it never matters what it looks like. My eyes will deceive me, but my God never will. As 2 Corinthians 4:18 says: “what is seen in temporary, what is unseen is eternal.” This mess I’m dealing with, it’s really just temporary, and my God will bring me out of it, whereas you… well, you’re still screwed.

cheerfulcheesecake asked: At first I thought Unka Glen was your real (Scandinavian) name and in my head I pronounced it “Oonkah” with a Swiss accent. Thus, I imagined you were writing from a shack in the Swiss Alps called the “Citadel of Enlightenment” that was filled with candles and stuff. I imagined you being really old and wise with a floor length beard wearing burlap and furs that you recently pelted. I thought you sat on your fancy Swiss rocking chair while sipping a cup of tea, candles surrounding you, with a laptop on your lap answering questions American teens had asked. I figured you stood on your mountain and asked God for wisdom and you heard Him yell it back to you in the echoes of the mountain… So speaking of that, I was wondering, how do people have conversations with God?

Unka Glen answered: Wow. Just, wow. I have the best followers EVAR! And your image is pretty close to reality… except it’s a pickup truck, in urban Chicago, with strong coffee, and I’m clicking away on my smart phone in between appointments.

And yes, as you suggest, I think a lot of people picture that speaking with God in prayer must be like something towering, majestic, and mystically fantastical… as opposed to something intimate and familiar. As I mentioned in a previous post, when God speaks to Elijah in 1 Kings 19, there was a wind, but God was not in the wind, there was an earthquake, but God was not in the earthquake, there was a fire, but God was not in the fire. Then came a gentle whisper. That’s how God spoke to Elijah.

God speaks to all of us in that gentle whisper, but we rarely take the time to be still, and tune everything else out, and listen. It’s not about listening harder, it’s about removing distractions and knowing that His voice is always there, it just often gets drowned out by what psychologists call our “critical inner voice”. Yeah, well, I have another name for that negative voice I often hear all too well.

But you asked about having a conversation with God and the wording of that question takes us in the direction we want to go. We need to be able to have a back and forth exchange here. I need to vent and express myself, and then I need to receive wisdom on that situation in return. The key is knowing how to ask questions.

If you think about it, you probably have a lot of questions that you’re afraid to have answered, so if you ask those questions, you’ll pinch off your mind from receiving the answer. You may have complicated questions that might require a level of focus in listening that you don’t really have at this stage of your walk yet. So start with taking some simple yes-or-no questions into your prayer time. Seek your answer in Jesus’ name. Those who seek, will find.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

I’ve collected my posts on listening here.