Unka Glen

Anonymous asked: Can I ask about pornography? I feel like I’ve fallen so many times, how many times will God forgive me? Am I really sorry if I continue to do it? How many times can I spit in Gods face? [edited for length]

Unka Glen answered: Well, you actually have about a zillion things about you that need fixing or tweaking or adjusting, right? In fact, nobody ever dies a perfect human being. So it’s kind of an endless list of things to work on, and that’s true for all of us.

So right away we know one thing for sure: God is infinitely patient. We know that God will never be dealing with a perfect human being. From birth to death, He will be dealing with some kind of wrongness from each of us. If He couldn’t tolerate all that, none of us would be here. 

He tells us that love is patient, and kind, and that it keeps no record of wrongs, and then He said, “I am love”.

But WE keep a record of our wrongs, don’t we? Despite Isaiah 43:18 telling us, “forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” We live in that past anyway. We make it about our performance when our performance didn’t get us saved and it certainly can’t keep us in good standing with God.

So if we let it drop when it comes to our past, we’re still in the present looking at a zillion sins, knowing that even in our future, this list of sins and imperfections will still exist. And there’s only one way to handle all this: one at a time. 

If I tell you to paint a house, you can’t paint all the rooms at once, right? you start in one place and you end in another. You plan it so that you literally don’t paint yourself into a corner. Same thing with your spiritual life, you’re meant to wisely start in one place, and end in another, dealing with one thing at a time. 

It’s SUPER IMPORTANT that you get this list of things you need to deal with in the right order. And in your case, this is your real problem: you’ve put porn at the top of your list. And so I must ask you, why? Is it of major theological importance? Does it effect your witness? Does it ruin your life in some tangible way? How did this get to the top of the list?

You and I know the answer is: the emotions of guilt put it there. Here’s what you need to know about that: guilt is a tool of the enemy, and it always entraps. In your case you’ve been convinced that looking at naked people is the exact same thing as “spitting in God’s face”. It’s obviously not. This is a lie. 

So we should have thought of GUILT as the thing to put at the top of this list! Our guilt tells us theological lies. It keeps us from sharing God with others in an effective way, because we either share our guilt-ridden lives (and who would want to sign up for that?), or more likely we don’t share Christ at all, because we feel unworthy. In the end guilt is ruining everything.

Why isn’t guilt at the top of your list? 

Not only isn’t guilt at the top of the list, it’s not even ON your list! Worse still, it’s actually the thing you’re using to decide what order the list goes in! Guilt was the setup. Guilt was the trap. Porn just happens to be the thing you were willing to feel guilty about. Once you’ve been convinced that you’ve “spit in God’s face”, then you can’t go to God and ask for help, right?

And the separation is complete. 

You think it’s the porn that did the damage. It was the guilt. And here’s the thing about that. Quit the porn, and the enemy with tempt you to feel guilty about something else. Now, by contrast, if you quit the guilt, then you have all that mental energy, and all that renewed connection with God, to fight the porn thing. 

You see, when you get that list right, each item you work on builds a momentum towards solving the next thing. 

Anonymous asked: Hey Unka Glen. It seems like every time I read about lust, it’s equated to any type of sexual desire that person has. It’s almost as if, as a single person, I can’t even feel horny without people saying that it’s lust. I know that I have to pray against it, but at the same time, I don’t want to get into the habit of automatically repressing any sexual desires. If I do, I’ll have trouble feeling sexual with my husband. Can you help?

Unka Glen answered: Now here is a smart question! You’ve just put your finger on a huge problem that young Christians are dealing with today. Young people are being told that repressing sexuality, and dating in general, will somehow automatically create the most awesome marriage possible! But if you think of sex as bad and dirty and something to be afraid of, then you’ll find it VERY difficult to one day see it as not only good, but an essential part of a healthy married relationship. 

God made sex to be beautiful, and special, and to feel good. He made it to be fun, and wild, and adventurous. He made it to build intimacy and vulnerability and devotion to one another. As Christians we control and sometimes limit ourselves sexually to make the most of our sex lives. 

All that is true. Here is another truth. Kids have sex. A lot. They have sex before they’re emotionally ready for it. They have sex before the relationship is there to support that level of intimacy. And worse, they’re all too often taking on the responsibility of raising a child when they can’t be responsible enough to use a condom.

Speaking on behalf of the adult world. We’d all like that to stop. We want you to recognize that sex is not a toy to play with, it doesn’t make you adult, it doesn’t work as glue to hold relationships together, and we really want you to wait on having kids until there’s a solid foundation to support that child. 

Unfortunately, this desire to stop all the unhealthy sex, and the pregnancies, has simply flipped some people out. They’re prepared to just straight up mess with your head to keep you off of one another. They’ll invent psychological conditions that don’t exist (soul ties) they’ll twist verses around (about guarding your heart), and they’ll call all sexual desires lust. Anything to stop the madness.

But this is a disrespectful way to treat people. 

I’m not agreeing with all this manipulation, because I respect you enough to believe that if I lay it all out well enough, and ask you to pray about it, that you are mature enough, and wise enough to make the right decision. 

So, at the end of the day, what is lust, really? The Biblical idea of lust (in Greek it’s epithumeo) is a desire that’s out of control. That is to say, Biblically speaking, you can lust over more than just sex. 

So it’s really quite simple, having sexual thoughts, sexual desires, and sexual feelings are not bad, but when that desire starts to consume you, THEN you have something you need to pray against. And yes, it’s worth noting that it can sometimes be an extremely short trip from desire to being overwhelmed.

Sexual stuff is an awesome part of life, but you don’t want to let it take the steering wheel.

thecleric asked: Glen, thank you, you are a blessing to me and you do great work. Question: my dad was murdered when I was 7. Coming from a non-Christian home this made me have no desire for God until I met my wife who introduced me to Jesus. I’ve forgiven the murderer (who is in jail) and have been thinking: should I reach out to this man and if so how? I worry that he doesn’t want my forgiveness or that I’m only doing it for myself (to perhaps get some closure). As someone in prison ministry what do you think?

Unka Glen answered: I think beware of ideas that sound “Christian”. More often than not, they’re designed to make us feel Christian. You have no need for that. You are a Christian my brother, and a plenty strong one at that, judging by what you’ve overcome, and I’m just flippin’ proud at know ya.

Could this be a sort of back-handed selfish thing? Well, just about anything can be said to be self-serving in some way, but the key question to ask yourself is: would I still do this, if nobody ever knew about it? Do you need the closure? If you’ve forgiven this brother (and I know that’s a multi-layered process), then it’s closed. 

Speaking as a prison ministry professional, I can tell you that it would almost certainly mean a great deal to that inmate. There’s an image of inmates as bring either cold people or hustlers, but I can tell you I’ve met far more cold and hustling individuals in three piece suits, than I have wearing prison uniforms. 

It would mean a great deal to this man, and benefit him on some level almost certainly, and if you want to do that, I’ve got your back all the way. But do I think you’ll get anything out of it? Nope. Not likely. If it’s about ministering to him, then that doesn’t matter. If it’s about you, write him a letter, leave off the return address, and say your peace.

But let’s land on this: how amazing is the love of Christ? Look at the extremes it takes us to! Think of how transforming and transcending it is. You’ve forgiven the unforgivable in others, because you were forgiven a debt you could never pay. Look at the extremes that the enemy went to, just in order to keep you from finding this love, but you found your true self, you found your Heavenly Father, and nothing will ever be the same again!  

How small is your world? Some people live their whole life inside of work obligations, family obligations, and even God-obligations. They never get give themselves a chance to live in the world of possibilities. I want you to live in a world where your spiritual life is an adventure.

We get so trapped inside of our habits, our fears, and our nagging self doubt. We need to break out, but the problem is, we see God as too small as well. We see Him as petty, rude, loveless, and a holder of grudges who simply fails to understand how things work with us.

Maybe we feel more comfortable living under that legalistic rock that we crawled under. Romans 7:6 says, “Now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law, so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.”

That new way of following the Spirit seems scary and overwhelming. We can’t play the old game of measuring ourselves, or checking to see what our grade is. We resist all that freedom. It’s too scary. But at long last, it’s a big world out there, and the adventure is worth facing those things we cringe to avoid.

In John 10, Jesus said that His sheep recognize His voice, and that they will run away from a stranger, because they don’t recognize his voice. It occurs to me that the most important thing is to learn to recognize the voice of the Lord in our head, and by contrast, the voice of the enemy who would lead us astray. 

First, let’s learn to recognize the voice of the enemy:

• You need to read more Bible.
• You need to go to church more often.
• You don’t pray enough.

The voice of the enemy is always about “have-to’s”, the voice of the Good Shepherd is always about the “get-to’s”. If the enemy can’t keep you from following God, he’ll try to make following God an obligation and a chore. He always makes it seem as though you aren’t qualified. You aren’t accept by God. Not yet anyway, just jump through this hoop.

Speaking of that kind of manipulation… here’s more of the enemy’s voice:

• You know that thing you’re afraid of? God gave you that spirit of fear.
• Learn to put up with things more, and forgive! Now!
• You’re not allowed to feel how you feel.

Remember that the enemy comes “disguised as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14). His specialty is setting up a false sense of righteousness where you play the martyr, and put up with stuff you should not. Even worse, as you resent being everyone’s doormat, you end up resenting God for making you tolerate something He never told you to tolerate.

• Look what you did! You call yourself a Christian!
• You better get it right this time.
• Act more Christian!

This is the voice of condemnation, and there is now NO condemnation for those in Christ (Romans 8:1). Grace is unlimited, and our relationship in no way depends on us behaving well enough. You are God’s child, and just as no child of yours could ever make you stop loving them because of the way they act, so much more does a perfect God love you despite ANYTHING you do.

So let’s look at what God’s voice sounds like, so we can learn to follow our Shepherd:

• Don’t cheat yourself, hear my words of comfort in prayer.
• When you’re lost, guides will appear.
• I’m gentle and humble of heart.
• You have nothing to fear. I will never leave you.
• Take heart, be courageous, be bold. 
• You are a world changer.
• I know exactly how you feel, and I don’t blame you.
• Even so, let me lead you out of this anger and bitterness.
• Look at what you’ve done, you are so much better than that!
• I want the best for you, and you’d settle for so much less.
• You don’t have to earn my love, it’s always there.
• Don’t be anxious or fearful, that’s not who you are.
• Be still. I’ve got this. Breathe.
• Let me just hold you awhile, okay?
• I know it’s all a big mess, I can handle it.
• Just give me you, as you are, that’s all I want.

Anonymous asked: This guy in university with me was angry with his Christian mother and father constantly telling him as a child that he’s a terrible sinner, and because of that, he kinda viewed Jesus as someone who was name calling him his entire childhood. I could see why that would make him cringe, since all he hears is “You’re utterly pathetic, but I love you”.  [edited for length]

Unka Glen answered: Calling someone a sinner is like accusing them of breathing oxygen. The Bible says that “ALL have sinned and fallen short” (Romans 3:23). Sinners is all we’ve got down here on the dang planet, okay? Sin the universal condition of all human beings.

If one person is using the word “sinner” to name-call someone else, they’re not only failing to be on the same page with God, they don’t even have a clue about themselves.

I mean, when you think about it, sin is so universal that it’s literally a part of every single human being’s life, so how bad is it to be called a sinner anyway? If we can all admit we’re sinners, then we can stop trying to feed our insecurities, or build up our egos, or looking down on others in judgement. Admitting our sin ought to be a good and freeing thing, in a way.

However, we have a saying in urban ministry, “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” God holds us accountable for everything we’re communicating, not just the words we’re saying, or the verse I’m quoting. 

I might say, “‘all have sinned and fallen short’ and that means that you suck, and that you’re unacceptable to God, and He doesn’t like your face”. I’ve quoted the Bible, but I’ve used it to portray God in a way that doesn’t fit with he rest of scripture. 

But by contrast, what if I say it this way: “‘All have sinned and fallen short’, and that means I have no right to judge you, and it means we all have to stand before the Lord about something. It means that someone had to pay for those sins, and that someone is Jesus. And when He paid for your sins, believe me, He did not fall short. Jesus paid for your sins because He knew how much the Father longed to be united with you, so Jesus took sin out of the equation.”

I’m using the same verse, but the WAY I’m saying it points to a greater and deeper Biblical truth. I hope your friend gets a chance to meet the real Jesus one day soon, no doubt he’ll be surprised at the contrast from what he’s been told.

Anonymous asked: I’ve been “living in sin” for a while - you know - but lately listening to worship music, and listening to sermons, and I’m almost ready to jump back in - but then I feel this intense wave of dread as I remember how horrible it was trying to live holy - and how miserable it made me, and how lonely I was. It just doesn’t make sense to me why I would put myself through so much. I know it’s for God, but it feels so terrible.

Unka Glen answered: Yeah, I love those churchy terms like “living in sin”. I’ve been living in sin since I was born, and of course I still do. As for “living holy”, that’s not a phrase I would self-apply to any part of my life.

I don’t think you should “jump back into” trying to sin less. You dread it for a reason: because the idea sucks. 

I’ll bet that there are people in your church who live a much more straight and squared away lifestyle than I do, and they’re putting some pressure on you to live that same “sinless” way. By contrast, if you hang around me you’d eventually hear more than one curse word (sometimes artfully woven into a poetic string of multiple curse words), and you’d eventually see me being the naughty little scoundrel I actually am.

However, just as the people in your church “live holy” in a way I don’t, I bring certain things to the table that they likely don’t. For example, I’d bet that I actually get more done for the Kingdom, by accident, than they get done on purpose. I’ll bet that I’ve got more determination to follow the Lord in the tip end of my little pinky toe, than they have in their whole body.

And I have ample evidence to support both of those assumptions.

So it’s worth asking yourself, what kind of Christian do you want to be? On the one hand, you can look right, talk right, and act right, or on the other hand you can DO RIGHT, regardless of how it sounds or looks. In the end, the second choice is where all the fun is.

For what it’s worth, it’s possible to sin less without ever doing anything right, but by contrast, if you set out to do right, you will end up sinning less.

katieunjaded asked: Hi Unka Glen! Thanks for the huge blessing that is your blog. :) Lately I’ve really been struggling with the balance between finding my identity in Christ, and not being self-centered at the same time. There are a lot of issues on my heart I want to bring to God, and find healing on (insecurity, misconceptions of beauty, etc.), but every time I start, I feel like I read some other Christian book or sermon telling me how selfish it is to pursue those things. So, in a word… help? What’s the balance?

Unka Glen answered: The struggle you’re having is because this isn’t a matter of balance, it’s a matter of taking the proper steps towards the goal. When you’re angry, the goal is forgiveness. When you hate, the goal is love. And when you’re insecure, the goal is to find your identity in Christ. Your goal is the last step in the process. So having goals assumes that there are steps along a journey to get there. 

If you don’t have much in the way of experience in ministering to people, and you’ve never helped map out those steps for others, you end up simply telling people to jump the whole way there in one leap. Jesus rebuked this by saying, “you weigh people down with burdens they can hardly carry, but you won’t lift a finger to help them” (Luke 11:46)

The goal for you, indeed, is to become self-less. To be “hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3), to live into the words of Christ: “I am the vine, you are the branches” (John15:5). We have been united with Christ. Thus we long to lose ourselves in Christ. But as I say, this is the goal, not the the first step.

So let’s look at what a good first step would be. I think the first thing that starts us seeing ourselves as “other” than God, is our sins. He’s perfect, we are not, so there’s a natural sense of separation there. Thus, I think the first step is accepting God’s forgiveness.

You see, to be forgiven means acknowledging that you are a sinner, that you are imperfect, that you have gone your own way in life. To be forgiven implies there is something that needed forgiving. But in recognizing that forgiveness is being offered, there is another implication, that something far greater than my sin has eclipsed all other considerations. That thing is God’s love.

If you accept that you are forgiven, then you have to accept that something caused it to happen, and that’s not something in you, it’s something in the heart of God. Insecure people don’t see themselves as sinners in need of forgiveness, they struggle with feeling “as if” they’re bad, wondering if everyone around them sees them as bad, worrying over how they’re perceived.

Insecurity is about constantly needing to be reinforced about things you are unsure of. 

But a humble Christian KNOWS without a doubt that “nothing good lives in me”, as Paul said (Romans 7:18), BUT they also know that Jesus went to the cross to pay for all that bad-ness, and offer forgiveness. Accepting that forgiveness fully, means leaving your ego behind, dying to an old image of yourself, and emerging with only one thought: I am the Lord’s servant.

rainofthelovinggod asked: Hi uncle! What does it really mean to be sanctified? I’ve read a book by Charles G. Finney talking about complete sanctification in our earthly lives; is that even possible?

Unka Glen answered: Nope. Not even close. Sanctification is a fancy word for a simple concept: sanctification is the process of transforming our earthly life to be more in line with God’s will. It’s the outward manifestation of an inner change. 

Sanctification deals with that concept that drives so many Christians crazy: I am fully saved, fully forgiven, all my sins have been paid for, and God has gone ahead of me to prepare a place for me… BUT: I still sin. A hundred points of bad doctrine have been born from simply not being able to live with that humbling reality.

And if you can’t live with that, you start to come up with something else. You begin to say, “if I was really saved, I wouldn’t sin, so… if I’m sinning, I must not be saved!” Once you choose to see it that way, in order to think of yourself as saved, you have to also think of yourself as no longer committing ANY sin.

In order to make that nutty idea work, you obviously have to redefine sin. And here’s how we do that: I’m going to decide that sin is doing bad stuff, and righteousness is… not doing bad stuff. Righteousness is having a clean and straight lifestyle. No drinking, cussing, fornicating, stealing, or chewing tobacco!

Here’s what people leave out in order to declare themselves “complete” in their sanctification: sins of omission. Again, a fancy word for a simple idea. If you steal something you have committed a sin, if you fail to help the poor you have omitted (left out) something God intended for you to do. You’ve focused on not doing bad stuff, and ignored the good stuff you were supposed to be doing.

I wonder, if you could take the average Christian, and put all of their sins on a list, I wonder how many of those sins would be sins of commission (doing bad stuff), and how many would be sins of omission (failing to accomplish good stuff). I dunno, but my guess would be that our sins of omission are more numerous, serious, and deserving of our focus.

Anyway, we don’t need to figure out how to make all that bad doctrine work, because we can simply choose to live with the truth, my fellow sinners: we follow Christ because we are relying on HIS sinlessness to get us into Heaven.

As for this bad doctrine of claiming to be without sin, well, the Bible is clear enough on that: “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us” (1 John 1: 8-10).

Jesus pays for all our sins, and the Holy Spirit works within us to transform our earthly lives into something less sinful. This process is messy, occasionally agonizing, and it’s currently incomplete. That may be tough and humbling to live with, but it won’t kill you. If the rest of us sinners can live with it, so can you.